Why don’t we call and chew his brain?

No, this is not a line from The Walking Dead (although maybe it is…).  It is a nicely formed malaphor, shared by that malaphor hunter, John Costello.  John was speaking to his wife about calling a handyman and this was her response. It is a mash up of “chew the fat” (to chat) and ” pick his brain” (talking with someone to get information about something).  I particularly like this one as it conjures up an image that was not intended.  This malaphor was also spoken by the pitcher Matt Harvey last year:

Harvey said he did not get a chance to chat with Justin Verlander when the ace made the visit to Port St. Lucie. But Terry Collins , who is close with Tigers manager Jim Leyland, indicated he’d like to make a conversation happen.

“Hopefully I’ll chew his brain a little bit down the road,” Harvey said. “I just sat back and watched.”

http://espn.go.com/blog/new-york/mets/post/_/id/61768/harvey-studied-verlander-before-facing-fish


You have a long road to climb

This mixed idiom is similar to “long road to hoe”, posted April 25, 2013.  The phrases in this malaphor include “long road”, “tough row to hoe”, and “a mountain to climb”, all meaning tough or difficult situations.  John Costello heard this on the HBO series True Detective, episode 5.  Marty is trying to get back with Maggie. Maggie says “you have a long road to climb.”  Of course, if you lived in or visited Pittsburgh or San Francisco, you might hear this one used literally.  Thanks to John Costello for this one.

True Detective Season Two – Top 10 Music Recommendations


This team never put their head between their knees

This phrase stands on its own, describing what one might do if one feels faint, but in context, it is a nice malaphor.  The speaker is Tom Seaver, discussing the 69 Mets team and how they came back from adversity and never quit.  Pretty sure he was mixing “not putting your tail between your legs” and “not hanging your head”, both expressions meaning not feeling ashamed or embarrassed.  “keep your head up” (feeling calm in the face of adversity) also seems in play here. Thanks to Steve Hubbard who heard this on the MLB Network regarding Cinderella teams.


Old dogs rarely change their spots

Sometimes my malaphor scouts come across a juicy one in one of the books they are reading.  That’s what happened when Steve Hubbard discovered this gem in the “Hour Game” by David Baldacci.  Sean King, a major character in the book, utters this mash up:

“If I told you we had information they’d had a knock-down-drag-out three or four years ago over Bobby’s sleeping around, would that surprise you?”  “No. He had that reputation. Some people thought he was over it, but old dogs rarely change their spots.”

This is a mash up of  “a leopard doesn’t change its spots” (a person’s character, especially if it is bad, will not change, even if they pretend it has)  and ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks” (it is difficult to make someone change the way they do something when they have been doing it the same way for a long time).  Both expressions describe people set in their ways, making this a congruent conflation.  And of course Mr. King was referring to that old two timin’ dog Bobby.  Thanks again to Steve Hubbard for passing this one along!

Dalmatian The Black Spotted Dog


I’m walking on ice with you

Sounds like a song title, but it actually is a malaphor.  The speaker meant to say eggshells instead of ice, and wound up mixing the phrases “walking on eggshells” (try very hard not to upset someone) and “walking (or skating) on thin ice”” (risky situation).  The mix up is probably due to ice and eggshells both being easily breakable.  Also, if you don’t walk on eggshells with a person who is upset you might be skating on thin ice!  A big thank you to Paula Fow for sending this one in.

 

Walking on Thin Ice


Might the roosters be guarding the henhouse?

Ah yes, the mixed up world we live in, particularly we baby boomers.  This phrase was written in a letter to the editor of The Daily Progress, a Charlottesville Virginia newspaper (wahoo wah).  The writer was discussing how a natural gas pipeline was going to go through her property and that the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission approves these 99% of the time.   The malaphor is a mash up of  “the fox guarding the henhouse” (a job assigned to a person who is exploiting it to his own ends) and “the chickens come home to roost” (facing the consequences of one’s own misdeeds).   Thanks to Jack Knoll for sending this one in!

 


He caught me in the headlights

This is a mash up of “caught up in the moment” (doing something without realizing the consequences) and “a deer caught in the headlights” (so frightened you can’t move or think).   A big thank you to Ben Geier for saying this one and passing it on.


Does he think I just fell from the turnip tree?

The turnip truck idiom seems to be a tough one to remember and say correctly, as it was the subject of another malaphor posted last December, “I wasn’t born off the turnip truck” (December 7, 2013).   This new one appears to be a mash up of “fallen off the turnip truck” (someone unsophisticated or naiive) and “the apple does not fall far from the tree”  (inherited personality traits).  Perhaps “to fall off the wagon”  (back to drinking after a period of abstinence)  might be in the mix as well.  A tip of the hat to John Costello who admits he blurted this one out.


These folks are trying to advance this niche of the pie

A subtle but proper malaphor, this is a mash up of “carve out a niche” (supplying a product for a particular segment of the market) and “a piece of the pie” (a share of something).  The mind might be visualizing carving a pie and hence the mix up.  Also both expressions concern a focus on a small part of a greater whole.  I think the next time I order dessert I will ask for a niche of pie, and see what reaction I get.  If the waiter quickly writes down the expression I will know the malaphor love is spreading.  A big thanks to Martin Pietrucha for hearing this one and sharing it with malaphor central.

Description Pumpkin-Pie-Whole-Slice.jpg