You were out like a log

While I posted this one way back in 2012, it bears repeating as I think it is one of the purest congruent conflations out there, and a common one as well.  The speaker was talking about her lack of sleep the previous night but that her husband slept soundly, describing him as being out like a log.  This is a congruent conflation of “slept like a log” and “out like a light”, both referring to sound sleep.  There are a lot of the letter L in both expressions, contributing to the mix up.  A big thanks to Donna Calvert for sending this one in.  Glad to hear Bill is sleeping well in retirement.

He has his hands in a lot of pies

The contributor of this malaphor was also the speaker, and blurted out this beauty by accident.  It is almost a congruent conflation, as both “a hand in something” and “a finger in every pie” mean to have an interest in or involvement in a matter, but in the case of finger in every pie, it is involvment in everything.  “Fingers” and “hands” seem to be the culprit here, and I suspect, knowing the speaker, that his mind might have been on some pie-fighting scenes in a few 3 Stooges shorts.  A shout out to Martin Pietrucha for sending this one in!

All of the enchiladas were placed on the table

Discussing the unfairness of the Iowa Caucuses, former RNC Chairman, Michael Steele on MSNBC uttered this malaphor.  It is a mashup of “the whole enchilada” (everything) and “lay (one’s) cards on the table” (to be very candid about one’s position).  My guess is that the speaker was hungry.  A big thanks to Ron MacDonald for hearing this one and sending it in.

Congratulations Coach Reid! You finally got the hump off of your back

This malaphor was tweeted by former NFL player Brian Dawkins (safety for the Philadelphia Eagles):

CONGRATULATIONS COACH REID!! You finally got the hump off of your back. You have been a blessing to so many of us as a Coach yes, but also as a man. You’ve learned & given so much to so many… You Earned it!! LOVE YOU!!! #BigRed #SuperBowlChampion
This is a congruent conflation of “over the hump” and “monkey off (one’s) back”, both meaning to get over a persistent problem.  The speaker may have been thinking of a “hump back”, or perhaps a “hunchback”, but I don’t recall Coach Reid with one.  When I received this malaphor, I immediately thought of Igor (Marty Feldman) from the movie Young Frankenstein who deliberately swapped which side the hump on his back was located, saying, “What hump?”  A big thanks to Jim Kozlowski, loyal Eagles fan, for spotting this gem.

I have a job underneath the books

This was heard at an administrative hearing.  The speaker was talking about work that he was currently performing.  It is a congruent conflation of “off the books” and “under the table”, both meaning to do something in secret so that taxes won’t be paid.  Then again, maybe the speaker works in the basement of a library.  A follow up question hopefully was made.  A big thanks to John Costello for hearing this one.

If you liked this one, check out my book on malaphors, “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”, available underneath on Amazon.

How many cracks at the apple is this guy going to get?

This one was overheard in a conversation between a lawyer and the judge in a court proceeding.   This is a nice congruent conflation of “a second bite of the apple” and “cracks at the bat”, both meaning additional opportunities.  “Take a crack at (something)” (an attempt) is probably also in the mix.  Perhaps the speaker was thinking of William Tell or maybe a pinata party.  Kudos to Matin Pietrucha who heard this one and sent it in.

A little bit of a tightrope that the Democrats have to run

This mashup was uttered by Frank Thorp V on MSNBC last Saturday.  It is a conflation of “walk a tightrope” (be in a situation where one must be extremely cautious) and “run the gauntlet” (enduring a series of problems, threats, or criticisms).  “Running” and “walking” might have led to the speaker’s confusion, or perhaps in the end the Democrats really had to run across that tightrope!  A big thanks to Frank King who heard this one and ran it in.