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I’m trying to keep an open book

A physician asked someone about doing a fellowship.  The response was this nice malaphor.  It is a mashup of “keep an open mind” (to avoid making a judgment about something before considering it) and “I’m an open book” (a person’s life with no secrets).  “Open” is the source of the mix up here.  A big thanks to Jesse Garwood for sharing this one and admitting saying it!

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He cleared muster

“The Master” strikes again.  Chris Matthews uttered this beauty on the Rachel Maddow show on July 9, 2018, referring to Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.  It is a congruent conflation of “passed muster” and “cleared for approval”, both meaning to be accepted as adequate.  Pass/clear is the mixup here.  Anyone who visits this site regularly knows Mr. Matthews is a malaphor goldmine.   A big thanks to “Eagle-Ear” Frank King, the Mental Health Comedian, for hearing this one and sending it in.


He’s keeping it under his vest

This was heard on the Rachel Maddow show.  Vanity Fair reporter Emily Jane Fox was talking about Michael Cohen, and what he may have on Trump.  She then uttered this beauty.  It is a congruent conflation of “close to the chest” and “under wraps” (to keep one’s plans secret from others).  The vest/chest rhyme and close/under words probably contributed to the mix up.  A big thanks to “Eagle-Ear” Frank King for hearing yet another one on MSNBC, your malaphor channel.


He passed every hurdle to receive asylum

This was heard on the MSNBC Chris Hayes show.  It is a nice congruent conflation of “cleared every hurdle” and “passed every test”.   A big thanks to “Eagle-Ear” Frank King for hearing this one.  He also mentioned that you don’t get credit for passing a hurdle, or for clearing a test.  Word.


He pulls those hat tricks out of the bag

This awesome conflation was uttered by Lane Johnson, Philadelphia Eagles right tackle, talking about his quarterback Carson Wentz.  A lot is going on in this malaphor.  “A bag of tricks” (skills one is able to use) and “pull a trick (on someone)” (to carry out a trick) are both in the mix, as well as “pull a rabbit out of the hat” (to do something that is seemingly impossible), the latter which is probably what the speaker was looking for.  The beauty of this one is that he adds “hat trick” (same player scores three goals in a hockey game), applying a hockey term to football.  Here is the link to this mash up:
https://theeagleswire.usatoday.com/2018/06/25/eagles-qb-carson-wentz-ranked-no-3-on-nfl-networks-top-100/

A big thanks to Jim Kozlowski for spotting this one and sending it in.  A classic for sure.


Parents should stick to their ground involving kids’ names

I guess that means names like Sandy and Muddy?  This was spotted on Quora, an internet platform to ask questions and get answers.  It is a great congruent conflation of “stick to your guns” and “hold/stand your ground”, both meaning to refuse to yield or compromise.  “Ground” and “guns” both start with a G and have a similar sound, hence the mental mix up.  A big thanks to Margaret Grover who spotted this one and sent it in!


Civility is disappearing before our hands

This was heard on MSNBC, Jansing and Co.  show.  There was a discussion on civility in America and this malaphor was uttered.  It is a mashup of “disappear before out eyes” (suddenly no longer visible) and I think “out of (someone’s) hands” (no longer in someone’s control).  “Slip through (someone’s) fingers” might be in play, as it also refers to something missed or escaped.  Fingers and hands are close in proximity.  A big thanks to “Eagle-eared” Frank King!