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Ask someone a simple question and they jump down your ass on Facebook

This beauty was uttered in response to an article someone shared on Facebook that had a virus attached.  “Good grief… ask someone a simple question and they jump down your ass on Facebook. Just asked if they read article cause I got virus when I opened article.. … Some people need manners!”  I couldn’t agree more.  This is a mashup of  “jumping down (someone’s) throat” (reprimand or strongly criticize) and “get off my ass” (leave me alone or stop following me).  nagging, harassing, badgering).  Body parts are often confused, leading to malaphors such as this one.  The throat and ass have previously been confused – see https://malaphors.com/2016/07/29/remember-when-he-put-his-foot-through-his-ass/.  Also, the shoulder and ass – https://malaphors.com/2013/05/09/youve-got-a-chip-up-your-ass/.  Directions also are frequently confused.  Up and down seems to be another issue in this malaphor – “up your ass” and “down your throat”.  Anyway, a nice indictment of social media and a great malaphor.  A big thanks to Julie Milne for sending this one in and to her friend Jennifer for saying it!

Like this one?  Check out the book of malaphors “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors” available on Amazon.  The link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205

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This subject has been swept under the radar

The subject is aliens from outer space.  Here is the quote:

“…Take the founder of Bigelow Aerospace for example, who is one of many who has shared his knowledge about the fact that we are not alone, and that we are being visited.

For so long, this subject has been swept under the radar by so many people, and all of a sudden we’ve had this burst of information that’s made it clear to most that something is going on here…”

This is the source:

http://www.collective-evolution.com/2017/10/12/apollo-15-pilot-joins-the-long-list-of-astronauts-to-tell-the-world-about-alien-visitation/

This is a nice mashup of “swept under the rug” (to ignore or deny something in the media that is embarrassing) and “under the radar” (not being noticed or addressed).  Both idioms contain the word “under” and both describe something hidden.  A big thanks to the comedian Frank King for sending this one, and another thank you to his sister for spotting this malaphor!


The USFL went down in smoke because of Trump

I am guilty of this one.  I was talking to my wife about what happened when Trump convinced the USFL owners to change the schedule from the Spring to the Fall season in order to compete head to head against the NFL.  This is a congruent conflation of “up in smoke” and “down in flames”, both meaning something failed or was destroyed.  Flames and smoke are the culprits here.  Also down and up.  Directionally challenged semantically?


It’s got everything under the book

The speaker was describing all the rides and other attractions at a particular amusement park and blurted this malaphor out.  It’s a nice conflation of “everything under the sun” (nearly everything one can reasonably imagine) and I believe “by the book” (strictly following the rules).  However, because of the word “every”, the mix up could include “every trick in the book” (every possible way to achieve something).   There may also be a malaphor thyme, here, and the speaker might have been thinking of the phrase “look under the hood” (examine the engine in a car).  A shout out to Caleb Harris for hearing this one and sending it in!

If you enjoyed this one, check out every malaphor under the book in “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”, my new book available on Amazon for a mere 6.99.  That comes down to a penny a laugh.


I’m walking on eggs and needles when he’s around

This descriptive malaphor was uttered by a housemate in college, referring to the submitter.  It is a nice mixture of “walking on eggshells” (to act with great care as to not upset anyone) and “on pins and needles” (anxious).  Both phrases involve anxiety or nervousness and also contain the preposition “on”, adding to the confusion.  Certainly the speaker was not “walking on sunshine”.  This malaphor reminds me of an oldie but goodie posted awhile ago about nervous employees waiting for a promotion announcement:  “They were sitting on their hands and needles.” https://malaphors.com/2012/08/27/sitting-on-their-hands-and-needles/  Also this one: https://malaphors.com/2017/07/03/theyre-walking-on-pins-and-needles/,  A shout out to Stanley Dubinsky who shared this one.


They keep kicking themselves in the foot

During the second intermission of the Penguins/Capitals hockey game last night, a commentator asked why the Capitals keep “kicking themselves in the foot.”  This is a nice mashup of “kick yourself (or themselves)” (annoyed with yourself for doing something) and “shooting yourself (themselves) in the foot” (to cause oneself difficulty).  Shooting and kicking are the culprits of the mix up.  A tip of the toque to Steve Kovacs for sharing this one.

 


We are breaking the air

The speaker was talking about meeting new people when moving to university, and uttered this nice malaphor.  It is a mashup of “clearing the air” (to remove doubt from a situation) and “breaking the ice” (to do something that reduces tension or unfamiliarity).  I couldn’t help think that “breaking wind” (farting) might also have been in the mix, as wind and air might have been confused.  However, farting was probably not what the speaker wants to do when meeting new people, and then again, perhaps a freudian slip?  Anyway, it’s a nice mix up and a big thanks to bittenbyfrost for sending this one in!