Congratulations Coach Reid! You finally got the hump off of your back

Posted: February 7, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

This malaphor was tweeted by former NFL player Brian Dawkins (safety for the Philadelphia Eagles):

@BrianDawkins
CONGRATULATIONS COACH REID!! You finally got the hump off of your back. You have been a blessing to so many of us as a Coach yes, but also as a man. You’ve learned & given so much to so many… You Earned it!! LOVE YOU!!! #BigRed #SuperBowlChampion
This is a congruent conflation of “over the hump” and “monkey off (one’s) back”, both meaning to get over a persistent problem.  The speaker may have been thinking of a “hump back”, or perhaps a “hunchback”, but I don’t recall Coach Reid with one.  When I received this malaphor, I immediately thought of Igor (Marty Feldman) from the movie Young Frankenstein who deliberately swapped which side the hump on his back was located, saying, “What hump?”  A big thanks to Jim Kozlowski, loyal Eagles fan, for spotting this gem.

I have a job underneath the books

Posted: February 4, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This was heard at an administrative hearing.  The speaker was talking about work that he was currently performing.  It is a congruent conflation of “off the books” and “under the table”, both meaning to do something in secret so that taxes won’t be paid.  Then again, maybe the speaker works in the basement of a library.  A follow up question hopefully was made.  A big thanks to John Costello for hearing this one.

If you liked this one, check out my book on malaphors, “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”, available underneath on Amazon. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205

How many cracks at the apple is this guy going to get?

Posted: February 3, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This one was overheard in a conversation between a lawyer and the judge in a court proceeding.   This is a nice congruent conflation of “a second bite of the apple” and “cracks at the bat”, both meaning additional opportunities.  “Take a crack at (something)” (an attempt) is probably also in the mix.  Perhaps the speaker was thinking of William Tell or maybe a pinata party.  Kudos to Matin Pietrucha who heard this one and sent it in.

A little bit of a tightrope that the Democrats have to run

Posted: February 1, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
This mashup was uttered by Frank Thorp V on MSNBC last Saturday.  It is a conflation of “walk a tightrope” (be in a situation where one must be extremely cautious) and “run the gauntlet” (enduring a series of problems, threats, or criticisms).  “Running” and “walking” might have led to the speaker’s confusion, or perhaps in the end the Democrats really had to run across that tightrope!  A big thanks to Frank King who heard this one and ran it in.

We’ve never sought to depose every witness under the face of the sun

Posted: January 31, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Adam Schiff, House Manager in the Trump Impeachment Trial, uttered this in response to the President’s counsel’s comment that witnesses would be endless and that the trial could drag on until the next election.  Here is the context and the quote:

Taking up additional witnesses “could be done very quickly, effectively, we’ve never sought to depose every witness under the face of the sun,” Schiff later added, noting that a select four witnesses have been specified by House managers as “particularly appropriate and relevant” to their case.

https://www.ntd.com/impeachment-trial-live-updates-final-day-of-qa-before-vote-on-witnesses_429541.html

This is a terrific congruent conflation of ” everything under the sun” and “on the face of the earth”, both meaning all things in existence, or everything one can reasonably imagine.  The speaker apparently was thinking of the earth and the sun at the same time.  A big thanks to Bruce Ryan for hearing this one and sending it in.  Bruce has the ears of a hawk.

It was a lock cinch

Posted: January 29, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment
Brian Williams on MSNBC, the Malaphor Network, uttered this one when he was discussing the Trump impeachment.  It is a congruent conflation of “a lock” and “a lead-pipe cinch or cinch”, both meaning a certainty or a task certain to be accomplished.  Maybe a lock cinch is a certain certainty?  A big thanks to Frank King who heard this one and sent it in.

He was taken to the carpet

Posted: January 27, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Senator Mike Braun, Republican from Indiana, uttered this one on Meet the Press yesterday.  He was talking about Trump and the effect impeachment will have on him.  It is a mashup of “called on the carpet” (to reprimand someone) and “taken to the cleaners” (to swindle someone or to soundly defeat someone).  My guess is that the Senator was thinking of carpet cleaning.  He also may have been thinking of the idiom “taken to the mat”(to confront or argue with someone), given mats and carpets are both floor coverings.  A big thanks to Elaine Hatfield and Mike Kovacs who heard this one and sent it in.

This is not coming out of whole cloth

Posted: January 22, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Willie Geist on MSNBC’s Morning Joe said this one, discussing Lev Parnas’ statements to Rachel Maddow.  It is a nice congruent conflation of “coming out of left field” and ” made out of whole cloth”, both meaning something utterly false or fictional.  “Out of” is in both phrases, contributing to the mixup.  A tip of the hat to Donna Calvert who heard this one and immediately contacted Malaphor Central.

I’m not the sharpest tack in the drawer

Posted: January 20, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The speaker was not feeling well and mentioned to someone about her mental acuity for the day.  This is an incongruent conflation (opposite meanings) of “not the sharpest knife in the drawer” (not very smart) and “sharp as a tack” (intelligent and quick thinking).  As everyone knows, there are many expressions out there describing the dull witted individual, and these expressions are often mixed up.  I have posted several of these mashups, including “not the brightest tool in the shed”,  https://malaphors.com/2013/06/24/not-the-brightest-tool-in-the-shed/,  “not the sharpest bulb in the shed”, https://malaphors.com/2017/08/03/not-the-sharpest-bulb-in-the-shed/, and “not the brightest knife in the drawer”, https://malaphors.com/2018/02/14/hes-not-the-brightest-knife-in-the-drawer/,  to name just a few.  A big thanks to Yvonne Stam for admitting she uttered this one and realizing it was a malaphor.

Giuliani blew his lid on that

Posted: January 19, 2020 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

This one was uttered by Lev Parnas, Rudy Giuliani’s assistant in the Rachel Maddow interview.  Here it is:

Lev was describing Giuliani’s reaction to hearing Ukranian President Zelensky’s decision not to announce an investifation specifically mentioning Joe Biden’s name.  It is a nice congruent conflation of ” “flipped his lid” and “blew his top/stack”, both meaning to become extremely angry or mad.   A huge thanks to Mike Kovacs for hearing this one and sending it in.

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