You still need boots on the pavement to gather the facts

This malaphor was uttered by Carl Hiassen while being interviewed on Orlando’s local public radio station, WMFE.  He was referring to the fact that even though many persons are now getting their news information from the internet instead of print newspapers, “you still need boots on the pavement to gather the facts.”  This is a nice mash of “boots on the ground” (troops in place) and “pounding the pavement”.(walking the streets, particularly in looking for employment).  A big thanks to Tom Justice for hearing this one!


Not the brightest tool in the shed

This is a mash up of “not the sharpest tool in the shed” and “not the brightest bulb in the chandelier” (or “not the brightest”), both idioms describing someone lacking in intelligence.   Of course it had to be me who uttered this one to my wife who promptly pointed out the mix-up.  It reminded me once again that I really am not the brightest tool in the shed.


I don’t want to toot my own hat

English: Photo of Mayor Jean Quan from her 201...

English: Photo of Mayor Jean Quan from her 2010 Campaign (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This malaphor was spoken by Jean Quan, the mayor of Oakland, and appeared in the October 2012 issue of San Francisco Magazine.  She meant to say “toot my own horn” (brag), and I think mixed that up with “take my hat off” (pay respect to someone or brag on them), but it could be just a mix up of the visual at a birthday party with party hats and horns.  “Feather in one’s cap” also comes to mind, as well as “tip my hand”.   Any other suggestions out there would be welcome.  A tip of the toque to Mike Kovacs for spotting this one.


I’ve seen the gamut

This is a mixture of “run the gamut” and “seen it all”, both meaning to cover a wide range.  This was heard at a legal conference where the speaker was referring to being involved in a wide range of cases and experiencing a lot.  Thanks to John Costello for sending in this subtle but common gem.


Not to beat a broken record, but….

This is a conflation of “beat a dead horse” and “sound like a broken record’, both meaning to do or say the same thing over and over again.  The best malaphors are the ones mixing similar meaning phrases, and this is a good example.  Kudos to Kevin Hatfield for uttering this unintentional masterpiece, and to Justin Taylor for recognizing it.


Right from the bat

Logo used 1972-1992

Logo used 1972-1992 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This congruent conflation mixes up “right from the start” and “right off the bat”, both meaning to do something immediately.  A big thanks to Jake Holdcroft who heard this one spoken by a sportscaster during a Pittsburgh Penguins game intermission.   See a similar malaphor – “right out of the bat” , posted October 27, 2012.


It’s locked in stone

This is a mash up of  “locked in” and “written (or carved) in stone”, both meaning something permanent or not subject to change.


He really sold him under the bus

Have I found the new “master”?  Actress Cristin Milioti said the following to People magazine:

“The other day I was chatting with my boyfriend,” she told Theater Mania, “and I said to him, ‘He really sold him under the bus.’ And he said, ‘I think you meant “threw him under the bus,” or “sold him up the river.” ‘ … It’s a constant problem. On my first date, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to eat a la carte, and I said that I would prefer to stay inside! It’s really embarrassing.”

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20700130,00.html?xid=rss-fullcontent

Cristin, do NOT be embarrassed by this wonderful gift you have received.  On the contrary, continue to utter your wonderful malaphors so I can share them with the world.  “To err is human; to malaphor, divine.”

How I Met Your Mother Reveals 'Mother' – 5 Things to Know About the Actress| Once, How I Met Your Mother, TV News, Josh Radnor, Neil Patrick Harris


Look who’s calling the kettle black

This is a congruent conflation of “look who’s talking” and “that’s the pot calling the kettle black”, both referring to pointing out hypocritical behavior.   The best and most common malaphors are mixtures of phrases that have the same or similar meaning.


You’ve got a chip up your ass

I won’t reveal the source, but this is a mash up of  “you’ve got a chip on your shoulder” (bad attitude) and “you’ve got a stick up your ass” (up tight).  It also could describe the aftermath of gorging on a bag of Cape Cod potato chips in your underwear (never done that, just sayin’).