I gotta collect myself together

This jumbled mess was heard on the TV series MasterChef. It is a congruent conflation of “collect (oneself)” and “pull (oneself) together”, both meaning to calm oneself down and begin to act or think appropriately. A tip of the toque to Anthony Kovacs for hearing this one and sending it in.


He is going to rape this country dry

This was noticed in a Facebook comment exchange. The commenter was talking about Trump and his control over the Department of Justice and the FBI and what he may do with these government agencies. This is a mashup of “rape the land” (destroy all the resources) and “bleed/suck/milk (something or someone) dry” (take all the resources that someone or something has available). There may also have been a Freudian slip in there. A big thanks to Diana Greenhalgh for spotting this one and sending it in!


Tone it back

On the youtube video, “Mechanics React to Sketchy Marketplace Ads” from the series Real Mechanic Stuff, the speakers suggested they needed to “tone it back”. This is a conflation of “tone it down” (make something less extreme or harsh) and “roll it back” (reduce the power or importance of something). “Reel it in” (bring in someone or something that one wants) seems to be on their minds, as they stumbled in thought and blurted that expression out shortly afterwards. You can hear the malaphor at 11:17 here:

Props to Doug Pietrucha for hearing this one and sending it in!


He had a bug under his saddle

The speaker was describing a friend who was complaining. This is a congruent conflation of “burr under (one’s) saddle” and “bug up (one’s) ass”, both referring to a source or cause of a persistent annoyance. This one is similar to a previous post, “he put a burr in her bonnet”. https://malaphors.com/2012/12/28/he-put-a-burr-in-her-bonnet/ A big thanks to Martin Pietrucha for sharing this one.


I’m living the paradise

Two guys were having a conversation. One asked the other how he was doing, and he replied, “I’m living the paradise”. This is a congruent conflation of “living the dream” and “another day in paradise”, both referring to living an ideal life (but the latter is often used sarcastically). A shout out to Mike Kovacs for hearing this one and sending it in.

Want to really live the paradise?  Then read my malaphor book,  He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors, available on Amazon now!!


Dead as a button

At a golf outing, one of the players hit a nice tee shot and another exclaimed that the shot was “dead as a button”. This is a conflation of “dead as a doornail” (truly dead) and “on the button” (accurate or exactly right). “Dead on” was probably also swirling around the brain, as it also means exactly right. Kudos to Sandor Kovacs for sharing this one.


Piss cheap

The speaker was out at dinner with his girlfriend, and referred to a certain menu item as “piss cheap”. This is a mashup of “dirt cheap” (very inexpensive) and “piss poor” (very poor quality). The malaphor described the food item perfectly, as it was not only inexpensive but also did not taste good. This mixup could also describe what happens when you drink Iron City beer. Hats off to Luke Doblick for sending this one in!  


Go take a shower, greasebag

Even though he had already taken one, this was uttered by his girlfriend. It is a single word blend of “greaseball” (offensive term for someone from Hispanic or Mediterranean descent) and “dirtbag” (unkempt or unpleasant person). Bags and balls seem to get mixed up. This one is similar to a previous posted word blend, “slimebag”, a combo of “slimeball” and “scumbag”. https://malaphors.com/2013/05/06/the-guys-a-real-slimebag/

A big thanks to Anthony Kovacs for sending this one in!


Hold on to your seatbelts!

A jazz professor was about to publish a revised music chart. He then blurted out this congruent conflation of “hold on to your hats” and “buckle your seatbelts”, both meaning that conditions are about to be more difficult or hazardous. Congrats to Grace Runner for hearing and submitting this beauty.


We just might have to wear it on the chin

This one was heard on the PBS radio show, Marketplace. A person was talking about the added tariff cost on beer. This is a mashup of “wear on (for a period of time)” (to continue for a long period of time) and “take (something) on the chin” (endure a hardship). A big thanks to Jim Kozlowski for hearing this one and sending it in!.