You’re not the brightest toolbox in the shed
Posted: December 7, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, not the brightest, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, not the sharpest tool in the shed, words Leave a commentWhile talking to his cat (everyone does that, right?), malaphor follower Ian told him “You’re not the brightest toolbox in the shed.” As usual, I’m sure Ian’s cat looked at him like HE was the idiot. This is a triple congruent conflation of “not the sharpest tool in the shed”, “not the sharpest (or brightest) crayon in the box”, and “not the brightest bulb in the chandelier (or “not the brightest”), all meaning someone who is not very intelligent. Other similar idioms include “not the sharpest knife in the drawer”, “he’s one fry short of a Happy Meal”, “the elevator doesn’t go to the top floor”, and my personal favorite, “somewhere there’s a village missing its idiot”.
Finally, this malaphor is similar to my June 24, 2013 posting, “not the brightest tool in the shed”. https://malaphors.com/2013/06/24/not-the-brightest-tool-in-the-shed/ Thanks to Ian for sending this one in!
That train has sailed
Posted: November 13, 2015 Filed under: ACTION, sail, train, Uncategorized | Tags: Austin Powers, congruent conflation, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, that ship has sailed, that train has left the station, words 1 CommentThis is a congruent conflation of “that ship has sailed” and “that train has left the station”, both meaning the act has already been done. It was said by Austin Powers in the movie Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, when he was speaking to a drunk Vanessa:
She was very groovy.
Your dad loved her very much.
If there was one other cat in this world that could have loved her and treated her as well as your dad then it was me.
But unfortunately for yours truly that train has sailed.
Vanessa?
Vanessa? Hello?
A big thanks to Sam Edelmann for hearing this one. Oh behave!
An omnichannel approach blurs the waters
Posted: November 9, 2015 Filed under: FOOD, Uncategorized, water | Tags: blur the distinction, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, muddy the waters, words 1 CommentHe has his act in order
Posted: October 30, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: expressions, get one's act together, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, mixed idioms, put one's house in order, words Leave a commentI heard this one on this week’s Monday Night Football game, uttered by the play by play announcer, Mike Tirico. It is a mash up of “put one’s house in order” (put one’s personal or business affairs into good order) and “get one’s act together” (get organized or start to behave more appropriately). I almost missed it as it is subtle and sounds almost correct, both signs of a great malaphor.
Let’s get to the chase
Posted: October 28, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: congruent conflation, cut to the chase, expressions, get to the point, howard stern, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, words Leave a comment
Well, at blanket face? He’s great.
Posted: October 15, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: at face value, blanket statement, face blanket, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, mixed idioms, point blank, words expressions Leave a commentThis was uttered by the Queen of Malaphors, Naomi David. Her friend asked her what she thought of a guy she (her friend) was dating, and the Queen responded with this malaphor. Katie Hatfield says it is triple mash up and I agree: making a “blanket statement” (a phrase used to describe similarly situated things, usually resulting in diluting the specific meaning of individual terms), “at face value” (accepted from its outward appearance), and “point blank” (telling someone directly). Maybe Naomi was thinking of the Face Blanket, termed by the Huffington Post as “the stupidest product no one needs ever”. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/23/face-blanket_n_6737266.html Yes, that’s right, a blanket that goes over your face. So perhaps the boyfriend really looks better with a face blanket. Cheers!
You literally just took the food right out of my nose
Posted: October 9, 2015 Filed under: BODY PARTS, mouth, nose, Uncategorized | Tags: expressions, from under my nose, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, pay through the nose, words, words right out of my mouth 2 CommentsNot a pleasant visual. I think this is a mash up of “from under one’s nose” (in plain view) and “took the words out of my mouth” (to say something just before someone else was going to say the same thing). “My Ol’ Pal” suggests “pay through the nose” might be in the mix as well. A shout out to Ian who heard this one from his wife at lunch the other day.
Cough it over
Posted: October 6, 2015 Filed under: cough, Uncategorized | Tags: congruent conflation, cough it up, expressions, hand it over, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, words 1 CommentThis brilliant little gem was uttered accidentally by my neighbor and friend, Char Stone. It is a nice congruent conflation of “cough it up” and “hand it over”, both meaning to produce or present something. Both phrases have three words, share the word “it”, and contain direction words. Also, one generally puts a hand over a cough to prevent germs from spreading, perhaps adding to the confusion. It’s also a nice phrase to use when watching a cat attempt to cough up a hairball. Thanks Char for this one!
They’re acting like a herd of lemmings
Posted: October 5, 2015 Filed under: cattle, lemmings, Uncategorized | Tags: expressions, herd of cattle, humor, language, like lemmings, malaphor, malaphors, words 1 CommentI heard this one from a guy from Nova Scotia, who was discussing how tourists tend to stick together. As with any good malaphor, it sounded somewhat right but just a little off. I then had to write it down to remember it (another attribute of a good malaphor). It is a congruent conflation of “acting like lemmings” and “herd of cattle”, both describing groups following an unthinking course. As the lemming is a rodent, it does not run in groups but is a solitary creature, although in popular culture they run in large groups toward mass destruction. Isn’t he/she cute?
I will haunt you to the ends of the earth
Posted: October 2, 2015 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Dr. Phil, Entertainment Tonight, expressions, haunt your dreams, humor, hunt you to the ends of the earth, language, malaphor, malaphors, Nichols Brendon, words Leave a commentThis beauty is from the Dr. Phil Show. He was interviewing Nicholas Brendon, one of the stars of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series, who had walked off the set when Dr. Phil started asking him about his drinking and Brendon took issue with the line of questioning. In discussing the episode with Entertainment Tonight, Dr. Phil said that he was the wrong person to bring in if one really didn’t want to quit drinking because, “I will haunt you to the ends of the earth.” This is a mashup of “haunt your dreams” and “hunt you to the ends of the earth.” “Haunt” and “hunt” are similar looking and sounding words, contributing to the confusion. The malaphor contributor? Mike Kovacs of course. Just call him “Mike the Malaphor Slayer”. Thanks MMS.
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