There wasn’t a shot in hell I was losing
Posted: August 13, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: 2016 Olympic Games, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, Michael Phelps, shot in hell, shot in the dark, snowball's chance in hell, words Leave a commentI had to post this one immediately as it is fresh from Rio. Michael Phelps was talking about his on his win in the 200m butterfly: ‘There wasn’t a shot in hell I was losing’ . This is a mash up of “shot in the dark” (a wild guess or attempt) and “snowball’s chance in hell” (no chance at all). Perhaps “shot to hell” (worn out or ruined) might have also been on the speaker’s mind as both words appear in the malaphor, but since it has very little to do with the context, I doubt it. “A cold day in hell” (an impossible event) may also have been on Michael’s mind, as he clearly believed (and rightly so) that he was not going to be beaten in that event. Here is the link to his interview:
A big thanks to Gerry Abbott for his keen ears in hearing this one and passing it on!
Enjoying the Olympics? Pair those events with the malaphor book, He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors, where an entire chapter is devoted to sports malaphors just like the one above. Check it out on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205.
The man is a nut cake
Posted: August 10, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Chris Hayes, Donald Trump, expressions, Gordon Humphrey, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, MSNBC, nutcase, nutty as a fruitcake, words Leave a commentOn MSNBC’s “All In with Chris Hayes” show last night, former New Hampshire Senator Gordon Humphrey (R-NH) said Trump is a “nut cake”. This is a congruent conflation of “nutcase” and “nutty as a fruitcake”, both obviously meaning to be crazy or insane. Here is an excerpt from the transcript, courtesy of Breitbart News (trying to stay apolitical here):
In the common parlance, the man is a nut cake, he is a looney bird. And it would be the height of irresponsibility to elevate him to the presidency. It would be recklessness to make him commander in chief. I’ve issued a call to members of the RNC this afternoon to demand an emergency meeting of the Republican National Committee to strip Donald Trump of the nomination and to replace him with someone of sound mind.
http://www.breitbart.com/video/2016/08/09/fmr-nh-senator-trump/
As followers know, malaphors are spoken by all, including Republicans and Democrats. Who can forget Obama’s excellent “my opponent would like you to think I am green behind the ears when it comes to foreign policy”, or Hillary Clinton’s recent “the creme de la resistance”? A big thanks to Sam Edelmann who heard this one and passed it on to Malaphor Central.
If he doesn’t pass the mustard, then we aren’t promoting him
Posted: August 8, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: congruent conflation, cut the mustard, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, malaprop, pass muster, words Leave a commentSharing must be a really big deal at this company. I understand not passing ketchup is grounds for dismissal. Actually, this gem was uttered when discussing an internal candidate who applied for a promotion: “We can interview him, but if he doesn’t pass the mustard, then we aren’t promoting him.” This is a congruent conflation of “cut the mustard” and “pass muster”, both meaning to perform satisfactorily. At first this just appeared to be a malaprop (misusing a word, generally similar in sound) – mustard for muster – but on closer inspection it indeed is a mash up of two idioms, hence a very nice malaphor. A big thanks to Tiffany G. for hearing this one and passing it (and the condiment) on!
Did you like this one? I sure did, and you can find a ton of other fun malaphors just like this one in my latest book, He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors, available on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205!
We’re busted at the gills
Posted: August 5, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: burst, bursting at the seams, bust, congruent conflation, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, packed to the gills, property brothers, words 2 CommentsThis gem was heard on episode 600 of Property Brothers. One of the clients, describing the tight quarters, said that when they have friends over “we’re busted at the gills”. This is a congruent conflation of “packed (or full) to the gills” and “bursting at the seams”, both meaning to be extremely full or crowded with no room to spare. “Busted” is commonly misused for the word “bursted”, as in the song from Carousel, “June is busting out all over” (June wasn’t the name of the heroine, right?). A big thanks to the eagle eared prolific malaphor contributor Yvonne Stam for hearing this one and sending it in!
Things are not rosy-dory
Posted: August 1, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: Donald Trump, expressions, humor, hunky-dory, malaphor, malaphors, peachy keen, rosy, Rosy Dory, words Leave a commentI usually post my malaphors in the order I receive them, but this one is an exception. Donald Trump was condemning the optimistic picture of the nation that Hillary Clinton painted at the Democratic National Convention. Speaking at a rally in Denver, Trump said Clinton was “talking last night about how wonderful things are. She made it sound like everything is rosy-dory,” Trump said. “Things are not rosy-dory, folks.” See https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/federal_government/the-latest-trump-slams-clintons-rosy-dory-optimism/2016/07/29/2e11a79c-55f8-11e6-b652-315ae5d4d4dd_story.html This is a congruent conflation of “hunky-dory” and “rosy”, both meaning happy and content.
Interestingly, the Rosy Dory is a cute little fish found in the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Not sure Mr. Trump was thinking of this or the Disney movie but it certainly could have been part of the mix up. The malaphor reminds me of an earlier one I posted, “that’s just peachy-dory!”, combining hunky-dory and peachy keen. https://malaphors.com/2014/03/16/thats-just-peachy-dory/
A major shout out to Sam Edelmann for spotting this one and also linking the Rosy Dory fish as well!
Remember when he put his foot through his ass
Posted: July 29, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, put your foot in your mouth, talk through your ass, words Leave a commentThey were from opposite ends of the track
Posted: July 28, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: ESPN 30 for 30, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, opposite ends of the spectrum, Tony Grossi, words, wrong side of the tracks Leave a commentTony Grossi, Cleveland sportswriter, was discussing the differences between Cleveland Browns’ owner Art Modell and head coach Paul Brown in Believeland, an ESPN 30 for 30 documentary. It is a conflation of “opposite ends of the spectrum” (completely opposing views) and “wrong side of the tracks (poor area of town). This mix up stems largely I think from the speakers’s mind conjuring up a town with poor on one side and rich on the other, but wanting to convey differences of opinion and views. Track then substituted for spectrum. Kudos to Mike Kovacs, “The Malaphor Hunter”, for hearing this subtle mash up and sending it in!
You are biting off your nose to spite your face
Posted: July 23, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: biting off more than you can chew, cut off your nose to spite your face, expressions, humor language, malaphor, malaphors, words Leave a commentDuring an excellent discussion on Facebook, one of my friends and loyal malaphor follower and contributor wrote this one and another of my Facebook friends (also a loyal malaphor follower and contributor!) immediately recognized it as a bona fide malaphor. This is a mash up of “cutting off your nose to spite your face” (use self-destructive means to try to solve or fix a problem) and “biting off more than you can chew” (taking on more than you can deal with). Certainly the words bite, chew, and cut are all similar and probably added to the mix up. Also both idioms are of equal length and contain the word “off”. Perhaps the speaker was also thinking of an episode from “The Walking Dead”. Lots of noses bitten off.
The origin of “cutting off your nose to spite your face” is interesting. Wikipedia states that “the phrase is known to have been used in the 12th century. It may be associated with the numerous legends of pious women disfiguring themselves in order to protect their virginity. These cases include Saint Eusebia, Saint Ebba, Saint Oda of Hainault and Saint Margaret of Hungary. The most famous of these cases was that of Saint Ebba (sometimes called Æbbe the Younger), the Mother Superior of the monastery of Coldingham. In 867 AD,Viking pirates from Zealand and Uppsala landed in Scotland. When news of the raid reached Saint Ebba, she gathered her nuns together and urged them to disfigure themselves, so that they might be unappealing to the Vikings. In this way, they hoped to protect their chastity. She demonstrated this by cutting off her nose and upper lip, and the nuns proceeded to do the same. The Viking raiders were so disgusted that they burned the entire building to the ground with the nuns inside.”
A big thanks to Beverly Rollins Sheingold VanDerhei for writing this one and Donna Cosentino for spotting it!
Don’t bite or cut your nose off! Instead, buy the malaphor book “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors” available now on Amazon! Just click here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205. For $6.99, you get lots of laughs and a terrific bathroom book.
This curve ball has a silver lining
Posted: July 22, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: every cloud has a silver lining, expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, Royal Pains, throw him a curve, words Leave a commentOn the show “Royal Pains” (S8.E6 Home Sick), there is a discussion of being able to find good news coming out of bad. A woman says to Hank, the main character, “This curve ball has a silver lining.” This is a mash up of “every cloud has a silver lining” (it is possible for something good to come out of a bad situation) and “throw (someone) a curve” (to confuse someone by doing something unexpected or tricky). A big thanks to Isaac Joel for hearing this one and sending it in!
Speaking of silver linings, you need to get the new book on Malaphors if you have not already done so. It’s called He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors and has a guaranteed laugh on every page! Get it now on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205 or at Create Space at
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Radical Islam has to be stopped in its roots
Posted: July 20, 2016 Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: expressions, humor, language, malaphor, malaphors, pull out by the roots, root out, stopped in its tracks, words Leave a commentFrank King, frequent contributor and “the cardiac comedian” (http://thefunnyhealthcarespeaker.com/) , heard this one on the Rachel Maddow show. A former radical Islamist was the guest who uttered this malaphor a few times. I believe it is a mash up of “stopped in its tracks” (stop someone or something suddenly and completely) and “root out” or “pulled out by the roots” (completely eradicate). Both phrases mean to stop something completely so it is also a congruent conflation. A big thanks to Frank for hearing this one and sending it in!
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