I hope my omelet is not bone cold

Not sure if the speaker thought his omelet would be dry or cold or both, but this is a nice mashup of “stone cold” (unfeeling) and “dry as a bone” (completely dry).  I think “chill(ed) to the bone” (very cold) is also in the mix, as bones often get cold, particularly when scared.  A big thanks to John Ries for unintentionally saying this one and Kevin Hatfield for spotting the malaphor.

This plant is dry as a rock

This was said by a friend about a houseplant.  It is a nice mashup of “hard as a rock” (very hard) and “dry as a bone” (very dry).  Bones and rocks are both dry and hard, and are both one syllable words, hence the metaphor mixup.  A big thanks to frequent malaphor contributor Yvonne Stam for hearing this one and sending it in!

It’s as clear as a bone this morning

That was the weather report from local channel KDKA in Pittsburgh yesterday.  This is a mash up of “as dry as a bone” (extremely dry) and “clear as a bell” (very clear).  The weatherman was discussing a very clear and dry (little humidity) day and managed to describe both in one nice malaphor!  I think this should be in our standard lexicon to describe those beautiful clear, dry days, don’t you?  Hats off to Bill Shaffer who heard this beauty.