They waited until the eleventh minute

I promise you I don’t make these up.  This was uttered in an administrative law judge hearing by the judge, exasperated by counsel’s not submitting evidence until the day of the hearing.  It is a nice congruent conflation of  “at the eleventh hour” and “at the last minute”, both meaning doing something at the last possible moment or opportunity.  Confusing hours and minutes can be common when you are dealing with cases all day, and a massive docket.  Or perhaps the judge is just a little particular.   A shout out to Sam Edelmann who heard this one and passed it on!

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I’m getting a little punch-happy

This one was said at the end of a long day of meetings.  It’s a nice word blend congruent conflation of “punch-drunk” and “slap-happy”, both meaning to be dazed or giddy.  I really like this one, as it also can describe being drunk, as in drinking too much punch at a party.  Certainly a few artillery punches will make one very happy…. for awhile.   A shout out to Nate Shand for hearing this one and passing it on!


It’s not a cake in the walk

A coworker left instructions to a friend for a difficult work task, and another coworker uttered this nice mixed idiom.  It is a congruent conflation (the best kind of malaphor) of “a walk in the park” and “cakewalk”, both describing something that is easy to do or accomplish.  Just be sure to not let the cake out in the rain.  A big thanks to Josh Berry for hearing this one and passing it on!

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cakewalk


She’s trying to walk this needle

The election is over, but the malaphors continue to flood in.  This one was heard on MSNBC’s Hardball with Chris Matthews.   Discussing Kelly Ayotte’s (R-NH) response to the question of Donald Trump being a role model, James Pindell of the Boston Globe uttered this gem.  It is a congruent conflation of “walk a thin (fine) line” and “thread the needle”, both meaning to skillfully navigate through a tough dilemma.  “Toe the line” might also be in the mix, with the speaker thinking toes do the walking.   A big thanks to Sally Adler for hearing this one and sending it in!

is


Give them a round of hand

This beauty was heard at a luncheon honoring university donors.  The emcee asked the audience to give the honorees “a round of hand.” This is a congruent conflation of “round of applause” and “give them a (big) hand”, both meaning to have an audience give approval by clapping their hands.   A round of ham or beef also comes to mind, so perhaps the emcee was hungry at that moment.  A big round of hand to Martin Pietrucha for hearing this one and passing it on!

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round-of-hand


If he doesn’t pass the mustard, then we aren’t promoting him

Sharing must be a really big deal at this company.  I understand not passing ketchup is grounds for dismissal. Actually, this gem was uttered when discussing an internal candidate who applied for a promotion: “We can interview him, but if he doesn’t pass the mustard, then we aren’t promoting him.”  This is a congruent conflation of “cut the mustard” and “pass muster”, both meaning to perform satisfactorily. At first this just appeared to be a malaprop (misusing a word, generally similar in sound) – mustard for muster – but on closer inspection it indeed is a mash up of two idioms, hence a very nice malaphor.  A big thanks to Tiffany G. for hearing this one and passing it (and the condiment) on!

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keep-calm-and-pass-the-mustard


We’re busted at the gills

This gem was heard on episode 600 of Property Brothers.  One of the clients, describing the tight quarters, said that when they have friends over “we’re busted at the gills”.  This is a congruent conflation of “packed (or full) to the gills”  and “bursting at the seams”, both meaning to be extremely full or crowded with no room to spare.  “Busted” is commonly misused for the word “bursted”, as in the song from Carousel, “June is busting out all over” (June wasn’t the name of the heroine, right?).   A big thanks to the eagle eared prolific malaphor contributor Yvonne Stam for hearing this one and sending it in!

prop brothers


They need to get their act in order

Yours truly blurted this one out to my wife who immediately said “malaphor” and wrote it down.  It’s a congruent conflation of “get your act together” and “put your house in order”, both meaning to get organized.  “Together” and “in order” have the same number of letters and sound similar, probably contributing to the mash up.   This is a timely malaphor considering the upcoming general election.


Hold your horses on

This is another “maraphor”.  The speaker uttered this mix up, and then said, “I mean, keep your britches on.”  This is a congruent conflation of  “hold your horses” and “keep your britches (or pants) on”, both meaning to restrain yourself.  Britches, or breeches, are pants used in riding horses so I can see where the speaker was confused.  She probably visualized someone with breeches riding a horse.  A big shout out to Marianne Julian who heard this and passed it on!

breeches


A lot of politicians are hemming around it

On the Rachel Maddow show, Leo Shane of the Military Times was commenting on the idea of doing away with the VA medical system.  He said: “A lot of a politicians are hemming around it.”  This is a nice congruent conflation of “hemming and hawing” and “dancing around (an issue)”, both meaning to avoid or skirt an issue or question.  I am sure we will be seeing and hearing a lot of hemming around this political season.  Kudos to Frank King for hearing this one and passing it on!

If you liked this malaphor, be sure and get the book on the subject: He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors,  available on Amazon at www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205 or CreateSpace at
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