Getting them to answer the questions is like pulling nails

This is a mix of “like pulling teeth” (difficult) and “tough as nails” (strong and determined), both describing tough situations.  I think part of the mix is the visual of actually extracting or pulling a nail.  A big thanks to Jack de Golia, who sent me a list of malaphors and malaprops that his wife has uttered over the years.  This one is a particular favorite of mine.

 


He’s turning his life together

This is a mix up of “turning his life around” and “getting it together” or “getting his sh*t together”, all meaning to improve oneself.  This was heard on TMZ in a discussion about Chris Brown.  Thanks to Vicki Ameel-Kovacs for sending this one in!


Don’t let any moss grow under your feet

This excellent malaphor is a mash up of “don’t let the grass grow under your feet” and “a rolling stone gathers no moss”, both proverbs meaning to not stand idle and be productive.  Good foot hygiene also comes to mind with this phrase.  A big thank you to Marcia Riefer Johnston for unintentionally blurting this one out!  As she said, “a rolling stone barged into my brain” when saying the malaphor.


That was a bunch of crock

My good buddy Deb Rose said this beauty last week, when she was describing an unbelievable statement from someone.  This is a congruent conflation of “a bunch of bull” and “a crock of s**t”, both meaning useless or false information.  This malaphor describes the double whammy of stupidity.  Please use it freely with my permission.


You reap your bed and you lie on it

This gem was spoken by a commentator on Fox News about a story on Bill Cosby. It is a mixture of two proverbs about actions having consequences – “As you make your bed, so you must lie on it” (you must suffer the consequences of what you do) and  “as you sow, so shall you reap (things will happen to you according to how you behave).  Based on the content, the malaphor has Freudian overtones and perhaps an unconscious meaning.  The speaker might not have been thinking of “reap”.   Thanks to Andy and Susie Wakshul for hearing this one and sending it!


It was just like a mushroom bomb exploded

A big thanks to Barbjeanmiller, a malaphor subscriber, who sent me the following:

” This morning I described to my friend that when I emptied the dust collected in a bagless vacuum cleaner into the garbage can,  it was just like a ‘mushroom bomb’ had exploded.  My friend gave me a funny look. I realized then that I had combined ‘mushroom cloud’ and  ‘atom bomb’.”

This is indeed a mix of “mushroom cloud” and “atom bomb”, with a mushroom cloud being formed from an atomic bomb.  In case anyone wanted to know why a mushroom cloud is formed after an atomic explosion, here is the explanation:

“It all starts with an explosion that creates a Pyrocumulus Cloud. This ball of burning hot gases is accelerated outwardly in all directions. Since the burning ball of accelerated gases is hotter, and therefore less dense, than the surrounding air, it will begin to rise- in the case of nuclear explosions, extremely rapidly. This ultimately forms the mushroom cap.”


At the rate they’re calling flags….

At last week’s USC-Cal football game, ESPN announcer David Pollack said, “at the rate they’re calling flags, you better make sure you’re on it.”  This is a congruent conflation of of “throwing flags” (calling a penalty) with “calling penalties”.  A big thanks to Laszlo Veres (Malaphor Senior Vice President, Eastern Region) for hearing this one and passing it on!    

 


while your business gets off its feet

Malaphor hunter Yvonne Stam heard this one in her car while listening to Suze Orman’s book “the Money Class”.  In the chapter on starting your own business, Orman  says you need to have savings to tide you over “while your business gets off its feet”.   This is a subtle mash up of “off the ground” (to get something started) and “on its feet” (to get someone back to normal).   The phrase “getting off on the right foot” also comes to mind, which is probably what the speaker meant to say.  Thank you Yvonne for sharing this one, but a warning to everyone:  PLEASE do not malaphor hunt and drive at the same time.


I read it front to cover

This terrific mixed idiom was heard on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast.  Musician Jimmy Vivino was discussing his development in learning to arrange music and mentioned a book on orchestration that a teacher had given him that he read in its entirety.  This is a combination of “front to back” and “cover to cover”, both meaning to have read something in its entirety.  There is also a British expression, knowing “(something) back to front”, which also means to know something completely or in its entirety.  How many of you have literally read a book front to cover, and decided that was enough?  Liner covers do serve a useful purpose.  A big thank you to Mike Kovacs, who listens and reads front to cover for malaphors.


He is shooting for the fences

I heard this gem on this morning’s Meet the Press.  Helene Cooper, a New York Times correspondent, was discussing President Obama’s proactive week, including his executive authority to issue an executive order regarding immigration.  I believe she was wanting to say  “swinging for the fences”, meaning to try and accomplish bold ideas, but mixed it with “shooting for (something)” meaning to aim for.