It’s nothing off his teeth

This was overheard recently at a court proceeding.  The speaker was stating that something was easy for her client.  I believe it is a congruent conflation of  “nothing to it”, and “no skin off his teeth (or nose)”, both meaning something that is not difficult.  Anyone see another idiom in this malaphor?  Certainly it can’t be said after eating a spinach pizza.   A big thanks to Sam Edelmann for sending this one in.


My mom won’t be down my butt

Let’s hope not.  The speaker was referring to her Mom bugging her about something, and was uttered by the Mistress of Malaphors, Naomi David.  It is a congruent conflation of “breathing down my neck” and “up my butt”, both expressions meaning to be closely watching or monitoring someone.   Again, mixing body parts and directions often produce malaphors.


You reap your bed and you lie on it

This gem was spoken by a commentator on Fox News about a story on Bill Cosby. It is a mixture of two proverbs about actions having consequences – “As you make your bed, so you must lie on it” (you must suffer the consequences of what you do) and  “as you sow, so shall you reap (things will happen to you according to how you behave).  Based on the content, the malaphor has Freudian overtones and perhaps an unconscious meaning.  The speaker might not have been thinking of “reap”.   Thanks to Andy and Susie Wakshul for hearing this one and sending it!


You have to be on your P’s and Q’s

Ike Taylor, a cornerback for the Pittsburgh Steelers, was overheard saying:

“With a future Hall of Fame quarterback like Drew Brees, man, you have to be on your P’s and Q’s. He’s the captain of that team and it showed today. If he sees something, he’s going to hit it. He doesn’t miss a lot. Regardless of how much you feel like you’ve got him rattled, he stays in the pocket. He did what he needed to do today.”

This is an excellent malaphor, mixing “on your toes” (stay alert) and “mind your P’s and Q’s” (pay careful attention to one’s behavior).   A big thank you to me for reading this in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

http://www.post-gazette.com/sports/steelers/2014/12/01/Gerry-Dulac-s-two-minute-drill-Steelers-vs-Saints/stories/201411010179

 


It was just like a mushroom bomb exploded

A big thanks to Barbjeanmiller, a malaphor subscriber, who sent me the following:

” This morning I described to my friend that when I emptied the dust collected in a bagless vacuum cleaner into the garbage can,  it was just like a ‘mushroom bomb’ had exploded.  My friend gave me a funny look. I realized then that I had combined ‘mushroom cloud’ and  ‘atom bomb’.”

This is indeed a mix of “mushroom cloud” and “atom bomb”, with a mushroom cloud being formed from an atomic bomb.  In case anyone wanted to know why a mushroom cloud is formed after an atomic explosion, here is the explanation:

“It all starts with an explosion that creates a Pyrocumulus Cloud. This ball of burning hot gases is accelerated outwardly in all directions. Since the burning ball of accelerated gases is hotter, and therefore less dense, than the surrounding air, it will begin to rise- in the case of nuclear explosions, extremely rapidly. This ultimately forms the mushroom cap.”


We don’t step on each others’ feathers

This wonderful malaphor comes from Matt Deppe, first time contributor to the site.  Last week a friend was trying to explain to him why he and his house mate get along so well.  “I guess it works so well because we don’t step on each others’ feathers”.  This is a mash up of “step on someone’s toes” (to insult or offend someone) and “ruffle someone’s feathers” (to annoy or irritate someone).


At the rate they’re calling flags….

At last week’s USC-Cal football game, ESPN announcer David Pollack said, “at the rate they’re calling flags, you better make sure you’re on it.”  This is a congruent conflation of of “throwing flags” (calling a penalty) with “calling penalties”.  A big thanks to Laszlo Veres (Malaphor Senior Vice President, Eastern Region) for hearing this one and passing it on!    

 


while your business gets off its feet

Malaphor hunter Yvonne Stam heard this one in her car while listening to Suze Orman’s book “the Money Class”.  In the chapter on starting your own business, Orman  says you need to have savings to tide you over “while your business gets off its feet”.   This is a subtle mash up of “off the ground” (to get something started) and “on its feet” (to get someone back to normal).   The phrase “getting off on the right foot” also comes to mind, which is probably what the speaker meant to say.  Thank you Yvonne for sharing this one, but a warning to everyone:  PLEASE do not malaphor hunt and drive at the same time.


I read it front to cover

This terrific mixed idiom was heard on Marc Maron’s WTF podcast.  Musician Jimmy Vivino was discussing his development in learning to arrange music and mentioned a book on orchestration that a teacher had given him that he read in its entirety.  This is a combination of “front to back” and “cover to cover”, both meaning to have read something in its entirety.  There is also a British expression, knowing “(something) back to front”, which also means to know something completely or in its entirety.  How many of you have literally read a book front to cover, and decided that was enough?  Liner covers do serve a useful purpose.  A big thank you to Mike Kovacs, who listens and reads front to cover for malaphors.


He is shooting for the fences

I heard this gem on this morning’s Meet the Press.  Helene Cooper, a New York Times correspondent, was discussing President Obama’s proactive week, including his executive authority to issue an executive order regarding immigration.  I believe she was wanting to say  “swinging for the fences”, meaning to try and accomplish bold ideas, but mixed it with “shooting for (something)” meaning to aim for.