Some people live a long time even though they smoke like a haystack

This one was uttered by Joe Starkey, a local sports radio commentator.  It is a mashup of “smokes like a chimney” (smokes continually) and “needle in a haystack” (something that is very difficult to locate).  My guess is that the speaker was thinking of “smokestack” and “haystack” bubbled to the surface.  Also, haystacks give off a lot of smoke when burned.  This one reminds me of the title of my malaphor book, “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”, available on Amazon for a mere $7.99!  A big thanks to John Kooser for hearing this one.


It’s like finding a diamond in a haystack

The speaker was describing something that was hard to find.  This is a nice mash up of “diamond in the rough” (someone or something whose good qualities are hidden) and “needle in a haystack” (something extremely hard to find).  Both idioms involve something hidden, which I imagine caused the mental hiccup.  Also both phrases are the same symmetrically, i.e., four words and sharing the word “in”.  In addition, needles and diamonds are both sharp objects , and haystacks tend to be unkempt and rough.  Like a diamond, this malaphor just gets better on closer inspection.

Perhaps in Trinidad and Tobago this phrase is an accepted one, as President Anthony Carmona described the new chairman of the Salaries Review Commission (SRC), Kyle Rudden (picture below), as “a diamond in the haystack.”

A big thanks to Gabe for hearing this one and sending it in!

Speaking of diamonds in the rough, my book “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors” is really a secret gem found only on Amazon!  Check it out at

Kyle Rudden

Gem in a haystack

This is a mash up of “needle in a haystack” (something extremely hard to find) and “hidden gem” (an undiscovered talent or place).  The phrase actually is a great one in context, where a trip advisor reviewer was relating how he had discovered a great restaurant:

Thanks to Lou Pugliese for sending this one in!