I’m living the paradise

Two guys were having a conversation. One asked the other how he was doing, and he replied, “I’m living the paradise”. This is a congruent conflation of “living the dream” and “another day in paradise”, both referring to living an ideal life (but the latter is often used sarcastically). A shout out to Mike Kovacs for hearing this one and sending it in.

Want to really live the paradise?  Then read my malaphor book,  He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors, available on Amazon now!!


Dead as a button

At a golf outing, one of the players hit a nice tee shot and another exclaimed that the shot was “dead as a button”. This is a conflation of “dead as a doornail” (truly dead) and “on the button” (accurate or exactly right). “Dead on” was probably also swirling around the brain, as it also means exactly right. Kudos to Sandor Kovacs for sharing this one.


Piss cheap

The speaker was out at dinner with his girlfriend, and referred to a certain menu item as “piss cheap”. This is a mashup of “dirt cheap” (very inexpensive) and “piss poor” (very poor quality). The malaphor described the food item perfectly, as it was not only inexpensive but also did not taste good. This mixup could also describe what happens when you drink Iron City beer. Hats off to Luke Doblick for sending this one in!  


Go take a shower, greasebag

Even though he had already taken one, this was uttered by his girlfriend. It is a single word blend of “greaseball” (offensive term for someone from Hispanic or Mediterranean descent) and “dirtbag” (unkempt or unpleasant person). Bags and balls seem to get mixed up. This one is similar to a previous posted word blend, “slimebag”, a combo of “slimeball” and “scumbag”. https://malaphors.com/2013/05/06/the-guys-a-real-slimebag/

A big thanks to Anthony Kovacs for sending this one in!


linchpiece

The speaker was thinking about a new exercise to add to his routine, and he said to himself, “this will be the linchpiece of your workout”. This is a word blend congruent conflation of “linchpin” and “centerpiece”, both referring to the most important part of or feature of something.

I have previously discussed the difference between a portmanteau and a word blend malaphor but the above malaphor prompts me to repeat my discussion.

Word blends are types of malaphors and the website and books have many examples.

Someone asked me if my word blend malaphors are actually portmanteaus. I don’t think so. The main difference is that a portmanteau is an intentional word blend while a malaphor is unintentional.  There are other differences:

A portmanteau is a combination of two (or more) words or morphemes, and their definitions, into one new word. A portmanteau word generally combines both sounds and meanings, as in smog, coined by blending smoke and fog. More generally, it may refer to any term or phrase that combines two or more meanings, for instance, the term “wurly” when describing hair that is both wavy and curly.

The word “portmanteau” was first used in this context by Lewis Carroll in the book Through the Looking-Glass (1871), in which Humpty Dumpty explains to Alice the coinage of the unusual words in Jabberwocky, where “slithy” means “lithe and slimy” and “mimsy” is “flimsy and miserable”. Humpty Dumpty explains the practice of combining words in various ways by telling Alice,

‘You see it’s like a portmanteau—there are two meanings packed up into one word.’

My single word blend malaphors are unconscious blends of words to make an unintentional new word. The word sounds or looks correct at first blush, but then on closer examination is incorrect. Examples include “Buckminster Palace” (Buckingham and Westminster, and/or possibly Buckminster Fuller) and “split-minute decision” (split second and last minute).

A big thank you to Martin Pietrucha for sending this one in.


Hold on to your seatbelts!

A jazz professor was about to publish a revised music chart. He then blurted out this congruent conflation of “hold on to your hats” and “buckle your seatbelts”, both meaning that conditions are about to be more difficult or hazardous. Congrats to Grace Runner for hearing and submitting this beauty.


We just might have to wear it on the chin

This one was heard on the PBS radio show, Marketplace. A person was talking about the added tariff cost on beer. This is a mashup of “wear on (for a period of time)” (to continue for a long period of time) and “take (something) on the chin” (endure a hardship). A big thanks to Jim Kozlowski for hearing this one and sending it in!.


It’s just a waste of exercise

Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson was trying to work with members of his administration who were inherited from the previous Mayor’s administration, but became frustrated and said “it’s just a waste of exercise”. This is a congruent conflation of “it’s a waste of time” and “an exercise in futility”, both meaning an action or behavior that has no chance of being successful. You can read the malaphor here: 

Source:
https://www.wbez.org/city-hall/2025/02/11/mayor-brandon-johnson-warns-staff-shakeup-coming-clean-house-administration-holdovers-lightfoot-guidice?subscription=true&DE=

A big thank to Peter H. for spotting this one!


I’ve got some tricks under my sleeve

A contestant on the show MasterChef was talking about making a comeback after having failed in the previous round. This is a subtle mashup of “tricks up (one’s) sleeve” (a secret plan, idea, or advantage) and “under (one’s) belt” (in one’s scope of experience). “Under my hat” (secret) might also be in the mix, considering that a magician likes to produce the trick where a rabbit comes out of a hat. Kudos to Anthony Kovacs for hearing this one!


I cried my ass off

This one was found in the Philadelphia Inquirer (but you can also hear it on YouTube replays of the speeches) regarding highlights of the Super Bowl victory party in Philadelphia. Safety CJ Gardner-Johnson, in his speech at the party, talked about how he left and went to Detroit and then came back.  He said when he left “I cried my ass off.”  This is a conflation of “cried my eyes out” (cried very hard) and “played/worked my ass off” (played/worked very hard). Here is the article:

https://www.inquirer.com/eagles/eagles-super-bowl-parade-highlights-jalen-hurts-motivation-brandon-graham-return-20250214.html?utm_medium=referral&utm_source=ios&utm_campaign=app_ios_article_share&utm_content=S7JCURGOBFAVHE27Y3TNKBAIV4

Many thanks to Linda Bernstein for spotting this beauty and sending it in!