It was like pulling hen’s teeth

An attorney was talking about examining a very reticent client and uttered this beauty.  It is a nice mash up of “as rare (scarce) as hen’s teeth” (incredibly rare or scarce) and “like pulling teeth” (very difficult to extract information from someone).  This conflation is fairly common, based on an internet search.  My favorite comes from the Orthodox Presbyterian Church in a Q and A about family worship.  “It’s like pulling hen’s teeth to get them all together at one time, except on the Lord’s days. This is the scourge of our time. Perhaps it has contributed to our times being called “post-Christian.”  The writer cleverly used the phrase to describe not only something that people have difficulty doing but that it was also a rare circumstance.  http://www.opc.org/qa.html?question_id=268
A shout out to regular contributor Sam Edelmann for hearing this one and passing it along!
Did you like this one?  If so you will enjoy my new book on malaphors, He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors.  Buy it on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205 or on Create Space at
www.createspace.com/5793567
hen's teeth

He says whatever rolls off the top of his head

This gem was picked up on a radio show.  A caller said Trump “says whatever rolls off the top of his head”.  This is a mash up of “off the top of one’s head” (without much thought) and “roll/trip off the tongue” (easy to say).  “Heads will roll” (people will get into severe trouble) also might be in the mix, given the bombastic nature of the subject.  Given the sweeping nature of the subject’s hair, the image of something “rolling off the top of the head” might also have been in the speaker’s mind.  A big thanks to Donna Cosentino for hearing this one and sending it in!

If you liked this malaphor, you will LOVE the book “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors” that can be purchased on Amazon for a measly 6.29.  This link to to get this collection of mash ups is http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205.  In Canada it’s http://www.amazon.ca/dp/0692652205 and in the UK it’s http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0692652205.


It’s outside the pale

This subtle gem was uttered by Hillary Clinton on the Rachel Maddow show.  She was discussing Donald Trump’s position on abortion and said that “it’s outside the pale”.   This is a mash up of “beyond the pale” (unacceptable) and “outside the norm” (uncommon).   The perceptive Frank King heard this one and passed it on.  He has the ears of a hawk!


We can’t put the genie back in the box

Discussing politics is not always a good idea, unless you blurt out a malaphor.  One of my major malaphor contributors, Yvonne Stam, was discussing social policy with her husband and uttered this great mixed idiom.  It is a mash up of “can’t put the genie back in the bottle”  (not being able to revert to a situation formerly existing) and “opening Pandora’s box” (doing something that causes a lot of unexpected problems).  As Yvonne notes, both involve mythical creatures that cause trouble.  Also, closing Pandora’s box has a similar meaning to putting the genie back in the bottle.  Both are impossible.  I also think the mix up is caused by the containers themselves – putting things in boxes and bottles.   Finally, back rhymes with jack so it is possible Yvonne was also conjuring up an image of a jack-in-the-box.  Who knows?  Bottom line is it is a terrific malaphor, and kudos again to Yvonne Stam for sending this one in!

Did this malaphor give you a chuckle?  If so, my book “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors” will have you chuckling for days.  You can find it on Amazon in book or kindle at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205.

genie in a box


I’m getting wet feet

A student was getting ready to give a presentation in front of the class, and he was a little nervous.  He said “I’m getting wet feet”, a terrific combo of “getting cold feet” (lose one’s nerve) and “getting your feet wet” (to experience something for the first time).   The mix up is an obvious one: both expressions have the words “feet” and “getting” in them.  And of course feet can get cold when wet.  A big thanks to Adam Jacob for hearing this one and passing it on!

If you loved this malaphor you’ll really love the book I recently published entitled “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”, available now on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205.  Makes a great gift!

wet feet


It hit the mark on the button

This double metaphor, and I suppose a congruent conflation, was found in the Augusta Chronicle’s Rants & Raves section.  An anonymous reader wrote: “Big raves to Rick McKee’s cartoon on Friday. It hit the mark on the button.”  This is a congruent conflation of “on the button” and “hit the mark”, both meaning to be exact or correct.  While one might quibble that this is not exactly a malaphor as the metaphors aren’t mixed, the use of two idioms to express a thought is still there.  I say it is a malaphor, and as you all know by now, I am the Malaphor King.  A big thanks to Baoverlie for seeing this one and sending it in!

http://chronicle.augusta.com/news/metro/2016-03-28/rants-raves

If you loved this mash up, get the book on malaphors: “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”.  Available NOW on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205.  You’ll be glad you did!


Malaphors, aka idiom blends

Excellent discussion of malaphors on “Arnold Zwicky’s Blog” by Arnold Zwicky, Stanford Professor of Linguistics.

arnold zwicky's avatarArnold Zwicky's Blog

From Elizabeth Daingerfield Zwicky, a link to a Malaphors site, featuring

Unintentional blended idioms and phrases – It’s the cream of the cake!

The site (managed by someone who identifies himself only as Davemalaphor) keeps a running inventory of “malaphors” — the term came to the site’s compiler from Douglas Hofstadter (1989), who got it from a 1976 newspaper article; Hofstadter also cites Gerald Cohen’s work on “syntactic blends” (generally, not specifically those involving idioms).

[Recent items on the Malaphor site: He’s a black horse in all of this (dark horse + black sheep); The client is one of those hard-moving targets (hard to hit + moving target); I’m going to give him a taste of my mind! (a piece of my mind + a taste of his own medicine).]

In a separate development, inspired by postings on “idiom blends” in Language Log…

View original post 700 more words


You need to get over your high horse

This gem was spoken from someone with an attitude.  It is a congruent conflation  of “get over yourself” and “get off your high horse”, both meaning to become humble or less haughty.  The appearance of “your” in both phrases contributes to the mix up.  The image of jumping over the horse in gym class also might have been in the speaker’s mind.  The congruent conflation (two or more blended idioms having the same definition) is perhaps the best kind of malaphor.  A big thanks to Steven Russell for hearing this one and Katie Hatfield for passing it on!


It was the nail that broke the camel’s back

This is a wonderful congruent conflation of “straw that broke the camel’s back” and “the final nail in the coffin”, both meaning an event or action that ultimately leads to the failure of a situation.  This malaphor was heard by Elizabeth Poulsen, the daughter of frequent malaphor contributor Marcia Riefer Johnston.  Marcia indicated that Google brings up many instances of this phrase, which made her wonder if it is an intentional mashup.  After looking at a few of them, they all seemed to be unintentional to me, making it a legitimate malaphor and an excellent one as well as it is congruent. One example found on the internet is a comment noted in the Hollywood Reporter discussing the women in Arrested Development:

Having a crush is normal, especially for costars, but Bialik has taken her infatuation with Jim Parsons to a whole new creepy level that seems to make even Parsons uncomfortable sometimes. She’s obsessed about talking about him, and manages to push her way beside him in press photos all the time, it’s unsettling. I’m not saying this is the nail that broke the camel’s back in her marriage, but if I were her hubby, I wouldn’t stand for all the pathetic Jim Parsons fawning from my wife either. Just sayin’.

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/big-bang-theory-arrested-development-569916

Thanks to Elizabeth for sending this one in!


This isn’t my first day at the rodeo

A prolific malaphor contributor, Yvonne Stam, was at the beach with her sister. To prepare for something they were about to do, Yvonne said they needed to do x, y and z.  Her sister said she already done that, and that it was not her first day at the rodeo.  This is a conflation of “not my first rodeo” (more than prepared for a given situation) and “you’re no day at the beach” (someone not easy to deal with).  Given that they were at the beach, obviously the speaker had that in mind.  Thanks Yvonne for hearing this one and passing it on.