Let’s hit the ground flying!

This is another example of mixing two idioms – “hit the ground running” and “off to a flying start” (begin a task immediately) – with the same meaning and involving words that have close connections.  Here we have two action words, running and flying, and our speaker has just confused the two.  Or, perhaps, the speaker intentionally used “flying” to indicate even a faster start?


You wash my back; I’ll wash yours.

This is again a mash up of “one hand washing the other” and “you scratch my back; I’ll scratch yours” (see yesterday’s malaphor post).  These  two malaphors were both spoken by “the Master”, so why would he mix them both in different ways?  My guess is that he may have been thinking in this one of “watching your back” (looking out for another) since “watch” and “wash” are similar sounding words (“the master” did tend to slur words, especially after a long lunch).   Again, it is difficult to step into such a complex mind so I can only speculate.


One hand scratching the other

This is a mix up of two similar meaning idioms – “one hand washing the other” and ” you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours” (reciprocal help).  These malaphors that mix idioms having the same or similar meaning are also called congruent conflations.


It was like a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders

This mash up involves the idioms “hit like a ton of bricks” (surprise or shock) and “weight was lifted from my shoulders” (relieved of a responsibility), both referring to weight, but one indicates weight off and the other on.   The speaker appears to be thinking the word “weight” but somehow “ton of bricks” replaces that thought and the malaphor is born.


They’re just a bunch of bean pushers

I heard this one on an Allstate tv commercial about 20 years ago.  A customer was referring to the insurance adjuster, saying, “They really are kind and considerate.  They’re not just a bunch of bean pushers.”  This is a blend of “bean counters” (persons just interested in  the numbers of an issue) and “pencil pushers” ( persons just doing menial tasks).


That really burns my goat!

It appears this is a mash up of “gets my goat’ (annoys me) and “burns me up” (makes me mad).  Both idioms have similar meanings and are both three sentences long.  I can guarantee that no animals were hurt or killed in the course of using this malaphor.


Jump on the band rail

“Jump on the bandwagon” (to voluntarily participate in something) is what the speaker meant to say, but apparently was derailed in his thinking and confused his train of thought.  As “my ol pal” points out, years ago politicians (e.g Truman) used to have whistle-stop campaigns where the candidate would ride aboard a special train & make stops in various places so that the public could see them, hoping that the voters would “jump on their bandwagon.”  So, perhpas the phrase “riding the rails” (hobos getting free rides on the trains) was probably the source of the confusion, with the speaker thinking about railroads instead of wagons, both forms of transportation.  Finally, to “jump the rails” (train goes off the track) might be the missing idiom as it contains the word “jump” even though the thought is opposite to jump ON the bandwagon.  The subconscious is indeed a mystery….


Nailed the issue to the floor

This one perhaps combines  “nail down”  or “nailed it” (get it right) and “take the floor” (one’s turn to speak).  On the other hand, perhaps “wipe someone off the floor” (beat someone up) could have been part of the equation?  The context in which I heard it was someone saying that the person really was accurate, as in they “nailed it”.   “Nailed the landing on the floor” (gymnastics) seems the closest, though Martin Luther’s nailing of the 95 Theses to the church door could have been swirling in this person’s subconscious.  Free association is such a personal thing, don’t you agree?


Treat him with golden gloves

This is another of “the master’s”, and I have had difficulty figuring out his genius on this one.  Obviously he was trying to say “treat with kid gloves” (deal with someone very gently) but what is the other phrase or idiom?  Immediately what comes to mind is “golden gloves” (name for amateur boxing competition) but what about “golden handshake” (excellent severance package) or “good as gold” (well-behaved)?  I think the best possibility is “golden touch” (a person successful in everything he tries) as “touch” refers to “hands” or in this case “gloves”.  Or maybe I am just over analyzing….


Rule with an iron thumb

I heard this gem from” the master” as he described our boss: “You know, she rules with an iron thumb.”  This is a mash-up of “rule with an iron hand” (harsh leadership) and “under my thumb” (controlling someone).  Both phrases have similar meanings and both contain a similar body part so the mix-up is obvious.  Of course, “the master” also enjoyed The Rolling Stones so it is possible that the song “Under My Thumb” played a little part in his twisted but ingenious mind.  “My ol pal ” noted that “rule of thumb” (a general principle based on experiment) was also probably on ‘the master’s” mind and I agree.  This idiom has the words rule and thumb, so those words were swirling in his head for sure.