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Baseball trades are like flipping the dice

This is a perfect malaphor, compliments from the sports world.  Jack Zduriencik uttered this one on the Pittsburgh Pirates pre-game show on 93.7 The Fan.  It is a congruent conflation of “flipping a coin” and “rolling the dice”, both meaning to rely on chance or purely at random.  Coins and dice are both used in games of chance, such as craps.  Of course if you flip the dice in a craps game, chances are you’ll be ejected.  A big thanks to John Kooser for hearing this gem.

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I was surprised he fell south so fast

Another from sports talk radio.  A sports columnist, Ron Cook, was commenting on Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Joe Musgrove’s recent poor outings and did not expect them after his excellent start of the season.  It is a congruent conflation of “fall apart” and “go south”, both meaning to depreciate or drop in value.  If you fall south then does that mean you rise north?  A big thanks to John Kooser who heard this one and passed it on.


He should have shown more fire and vinegar

Another from sports talk radio.  Andrew Fillipponi from 93.7 The Fan (a Pittsburgh sports talk radio show) was talking about Steelers coach Mike Tomlin’s lack of anger and passion at his press conference after the loss to the New Orleans Saints.  It is a sweet mashup of “fire and brimstone” (intense speech filled with emotion and anger) and “piss and vinegar” (having an abundance or excessive amount of rowdiness or enthusiasm).  Maybe the speaker didn’t want to say “piss” on the air, but he could then have substituted “spit” as “spit and vinegar” has the same meaning.   The contributor of this nice malaphor wanted to remain anonymous so I respect his/her wishes.


He had a hissing contest

Ron Cook, a Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sports writer, uttered this beauty on the sports talk radio show, 93.7 The Fan.  He was summarizing Steelers’ wide receiver Antonio Brown’s out of control behavior and that Brown had “a hissing contest” with one of the coaches.  This is a conflation of “pissing contest” (useless or trivial argument) and a “hissy fit” (a childish temper tantrum).  Both idioms actually fit the context, a rarity in malaphors.  The rhyming of hissing and pissing also contributed to the mashup.  A big thanks to John Kooser for hearing this one and sending it in.


Quench that itch

There is a local sports radio station here in Pittsburgh called “93.7 The Fan”.  One of the commentators is Josh Miller, a former punter for the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Josh was talking about how football players have trouble finding the excitement of the game after they retire or quit, and that it’s hard for them to “quench that itch”.  This is a mashup of “quench that thirst” (to stop being thirsty) and “scratch an itch” (satisfy a need or desire).  It’s possible that the speaker was thinking of “quashing” (repressing) something instead of quenching, but maybe dousing the itch with water does stop or repress it.  By the way, Josh also uttered one of my favorite malaphors of all time, “he’s open game”, a mix of “open season” and “fair game”.   https://malaphors.com/2017/08/05/hes-open-game-2/   Josh is unfortunately leaving 93.7 The Fan but we wish him the best and hope for more malaphors.   Kudos to John Kooser for hearing this one and punting it in.

Want to quench that itch for more malaphors?  Check out my book, “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”, available for a cheap 6.99 on Amazon!


He’s open game

This perfectly formed malaphor was uttered by Josh Miller on the radio show The Fan on 93.7 in Pittsburgh (Miller was a former punter for the Pittsburgh Steelers and is now a sports commentator).  Miller was discussing the crazy antics of a fan at a baseball game and the nasty comments directed at him.  “Open game” is a mashup of “open season” (a period of time when everyone is criticizing someone or something) and “fair game” (something or someone who is considered permissible to attack).   The speaker may have had deer season on his mind, thinking of open season on game?  A big shout out to John Kooser who heard this one and sent it in!