We need to broaden the umbrella

Heard on a conference call last year, initially this mix-up seems to blend “broaden our base” with “under the umbrella”.  “Broaden one’s base” often means looking elsewhere (for an answer, for more sales contacts, for new ideas, etc.) while “Under the umbrella” often means getting everyone together on something (a plan, an idea, a path` to take, etc.). The two thoughts are almost contradictory –  one goes outside while the other gathers everyone together to agree on something or do something.  However, ultimately I think the speaker was thinking “big tent” (embracing people with different values or visions) and that since both an umbrella and a tent covers things (e.g., rain), the malaphor was uttered.


It was like a ton of bricks was lifted from my shoulders

This mash up involves the idioms “hit like a ton of bricks” (surprise or shock) and “weight was lifted from my shoulders” (relieved of a responsibility), both referring to weight, but one indicates weight off and the other on.   The speaker appears to be thinking the word “weight” but somehow “ton of bricks” replaces that thought and the malaphor is born.


They’re just a bunch of bean pushers

I heard this one on an Allstate tv commercial about 20 years ago.  A customer was referring to the insurance adjuster, saying, “They really are kind and considerate.  They’re not just a bunch of bean pushers.”  This is a blend of “bean counters” (persons just interested in  the numbers of an issue) and “pencil pushers” ( persons just doing menial tasks).


Jump on the band rail

“Jump on the bandwagon” (to voluntarily participate in something) is what the speaker meant to say, but apparently was derailed in his thinking and confused his train of thought.  As “my ol pal” points out, years ago politicians (e.g Truman) used to have whistle-stop campaigns where the candidate would ride aboard a special train & make stops in various places so that the public could see them, hoping that the voters would “jump on their bandwagon.”  So, perhpas the phrase “riding the rails” (hobos getting free rides on the trains) was probably the source of the confusion, with the speaker thinking about railroads instead of wagons, both forms of transportation.  Finally, to “jump the rails” (train goes off the track) might be the missing idiom as it contains the word “jump” even though the thought is opposite to jump ON the bandwagon.  The subconscious is indeed a mystery….


Catch this in the bud

This malaphor of course involves the idiom “nip it in the bud” (preventing something bad from happening), but what is the other idiom being blended?  At first blush it would seem to be  “catch this” (seeing or listening to something) but I suspect the speaker mixed “the early bird catches the worm” (success comes to the earliest) with “nip it in the bud” as they both describe preemptive or proactive actions.


I don’t want to be held up in a glass jar

For those who are following, we know by now that “the master” works in mysterious ways.  This utterance seems to be a confluence of many idioms and metaphors.  Perhaps he was trying to say “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” (don’t criticize someone’s fault when you also have it)  yet it appears he is talking about himself.   With the introduction of the word “jar”, he may have been thinking “hands caught in the cookie jar” (caught doing something wrong) or maybe thinking “glass jaw” (weak jaw).  He also could have been thinking about the “glass ceiling” (barrier that keeps women and minorities from reaching the top rungs of the corporate ladder) as that expression was born around the time he made this comment.  Who knows?  All I know is that it is a great malaphor, mixing a variety of idioms to produce an utterly incoherent statement.

My “ol pal” theorizes that “the master” was probably thinking specimen jars as they contain a host of things – insects, fetuses, etc.  He was trying to say that he did not want to be scrutinized essentially.  I think my “ol pal” is right on this one.


When the rubber hits the fan

This beauty was overheard in a meeting by my friend Gerry.  The speaker, who is about to retire, said that she did not want to be around “when the rubber hits the fan”.  This malaphor combines “where the rubber meets the road” (the moment of truth) and “when the shit hits the fan” (a messy consequence from a secret about to be made public).  Both indicate something about to happen, hence the mix-up.   Any other thoughts?


That’s water over the bridge

This malaphor is said frequently as it blends two idioms – “water under the bridge” and “water over the dam” – that contain the same word (water) and have the same meaning (past and unchangeable events).   Add two words that both describe direction (over and under) and you get a subtle but wonderful malaphor.


He did it at the drop of a dime

Pretty straightforward malaphor?  Seems like a combination of “do at the drop of a hat” and “he dropped the dime”.   Very different meanings, but the word “drop” apparently led the speaker to think “dime” instead of “hat” (alliteration perhaps?) and thus another  malaphor was born.


We missed our door of opportunity

At first blush, this one sounds right, but on further inspection, the speaker has apparently blended “window of opportunity” with “when one door closes, another door opens” (or maybe “open door policy”?).  The resulting malaphor certainly makes sense as a window and a door are both openings and both idioms convey similar meanings.    Less verbiage is always a good thing (you can quote me on that).