Green behind the ears

This is a blend of “green with envy” (jealous) and “wet behind the ears” (novice, inexperienced).  I first heard this one back in 1984, and for some reason it seems to be a fairly common one.   Even President Obama said it during the 2008 Obama/McCain debates – see my Malaphors in the Media section on this website to watch him.  My guess on the mix up stems from the words green and wet, both adjectives for grass.

Perhaps a better interpretation comes from “my ol pal” in her comments.   “Green behind the gills” (nauseated) might be the blended idiom with “wet behind the ears” given that gills and ears are in close proximity and that the words “around” and “behind” both indicate location and are also both 6 letter words.  Let’s add to the equation “greenhorn” which means naive or new to the situation, identical to the definition of “wet behind the ears.”  Not sure what I would do without you, “my ol pal”.


Catch this in the bud

This malaphor of course involves the idiom “nip it in the bud” (preventing something bad from happening), but what is the other idiom being blended?  At first blush it would seem to be  “catch this” (seeing or listening to something) but I suspect the speaker mixed “the early bird catches the worm” (success comes to the earliest) with “nip it in the bud” as they both describe preemptive or proactive actions.


I don’t want to be held up in a glass jar

For those who are following, we know by now that “the master” works in mysterious ways.  This utterance seems to be a confluence of many idioms and metaphors.  Perhaps he was trying to say “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” (don’t criticize someone’s fault when you also have it)  yet it appears he is talking about himself.   With the introduction of the word “jar”, he may have been thinking “hands caught in the cookie jar” (caught doing something wrong) or maybe thinking “glass jaw” (weak jaw).  He also could have been thinking about the “glass ceiling” (barrier that keeps women and minorities from reaching the top rungs of the corporate ladder) as that expression was born around the time he made this comment.  Who knows?  All I know is that it is a great malaphor, mixing a variety of idioms to produce an utterly incoherent statement.

My “ol pal” theorizes that “the master” was probably thinking specimen jars as they contain a host of things – insects, fetuses, etc.  He was trying to say that he did not want to be scrutinized essentially.  I think my “ol pal” is right on this one.


He looks down in the tooth

This is a mash-up of “down in the mouth” (gloomy, depressed) and “long in the tooth” (old, past his/her prime).  The confusion here is pretty clear: teeth are in the mouth and the words “down” and “long” are four letter words.  What I can’t recall is whether the speaker was referring to a person who seemed older or more depressed.  Or maybe both as they go hand in hand??


When the rubber hits the fan

This beauty was overheard in a meeting by my friend Gerry.  The speaker, who is about to retire, said that she did not want to be around “when the rubber hits the fan”.  This malaphor combines “where the rubber meets the road” (the moment of truth) and “when the shit hits the fan” (a messy consequence from a secret about to be made public).  Both indicate something about to happen, hence the mix-up.   Any other thoughts?


That’s water over the bridge

This malaphor is said frequently as it blends two idioms – “water under the bridge” and “water over the dam” – that contain the same word (water) and have the same meaning (past and unchangeable events).   Add two words that both describe direction (over and under) and you get a subtle but wonderful malaphor.


They had to pull his arm to compete

Just heard this one from Kevin Hatfield at dinner.  In response to whether Michael Phelps will compete in another Olympics, Kevin said, “they had to pull his arm to compete in this one”.  It is an excellent malaphor, as it sounds just a little off.  It is a combination of “twist his arm’ (beg someone to do something) and “pull my finger” (ask to fart) or “pull my leg” (kidding someone).


I’m going to pull my own load

This one combines perhaps a few idioms, albeit with different meanings – “pull my own weight” (do your fair share of a task), “load off my mind” (a burden relieved), and “load off my feet” (relax and sit down).   Since the words weight and load are similar, the speaker probably just chose the wrong word, resulting in a malaphor which could have interesting connotations.


Don’t run around the bush

This beauty is a mix – up of “don’t beat around the bush”  and “don’t give me the run around” , both idioms meaning don’t be so evasive.  Because the meanings are very similar, the malaphor is a common one.  I have heard it 4 or 5 times over the years.   In fact, this one is so subtle that you might miss it when it is uttered.


I screwed myself in the foot

Oh yes, I heard this one from “the master” one day after lunch.  It is a blend of “shot myself in the foot” and “I screwed up”, creating a delightful and colorful malaphor.  Again, “the master” improved the two idioms and made what I think a more descriptive one.