Brothers-in law were expanding on the warnings in the Jim Croce song, “You don’t mess around with Jim”, when this malaphor was uttered. It is a mashup of “does a bear shit in the woods?” (a rhetorical question in response to a question where the answer is an emphatic yes) and “piss in the wind” (do something that is ineffective or a waste of time). Bottom line is of course it does. A big thanks to Lou Pugliese for hearing this one and sending it in (he was one of the brothers-in-law by the way).
Yes, my friends, a triple malaphor in the media wilds was discovered by the intrepid malaphor hunter, Mike Kovacs. This beauty was found on the latest episode (Dec. 2, 2023) CBS crime show 48 Hours. Mike captured the malaphor in a sound byte:
This is a mashup of “house of cards” (a weak and fragile plan), “web of lies” (an intricate contrivance of deceit), and “that’s how the cookie crumbles” (accepting the way things happen or develop). The triple malaphor is like spotting the Spix’s macaw (Guy Moody will understand this). Well done, Mike.
Chris Hayes on his show All In with Chris Hayes. This is a mashup of “the other side of the coin” (a different way of considering a situation) and “the other end of the spectrum” (extreme contrast). Coins have sides; spectrums have ends. This one can be heard at 29:47:
This one was found in a Philadelphia Inquirer article. Cornerback James Bradberry of the Philadelphia Eagles was talking about his interception of a Josh Allen pass late in the game:
As the game was going, I saw I was getting a lot of targets,” Bradberry said. “I just tried to make sure I was on my Ps and Qs at all times. I tried to make sure I made enough plays so we’d get a victory.”
This is a congruent conflation of “be on (one’s) best behavior” and “mind your Ps and Qs”, both meaning to be exceptionally polite. Not sure why the cornerback had to be polite the whole game, but that’s what he said. As an aside, a good discussion of the etymology of the idiom “mind your Ps and Qs” can be found here: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/ps-and-qs/
A big thank you to Linda Bernstein for spotting this one and sending it in!
Ali Velshi on the MSNBC show Alex Wagner Tonight said this one. He was saying that when President Biden spoke after the Hamas massacre and pledged unconditional support for Israel “it calmed a lot of feathers”. It is a congruent conflation of “smoothed (one’s) ruffled feathers” and “calmed the waters”, both meaning to attempt to calm or placate someone or something. A big thanks to Mike Kovacs for hearing this one and passing it on!
Ok, some things in life ARE free. Like the kindle version of my second malaphor book, Things Are Not Rosy-Dory, starting tomorrow, Thanksgiving, until Monday November 27. Merry Thanksgiving everyone! (And the printed version makes a great stocking stuffer, perfect size for that bathroom library).
This is a mashup of “fly on the wall” (an unseen observer or listener) and “still/quiet as a mouse” (silent, without noise). Both idioms involve complete silence and the speaker just mixed her flies and mice. Or, she might have had mice in the walls at one time. Another big thanks to gsdoghouse for hearing this one from friend Candy.
The yuck factor is high on this one. This is a congruent conflation of “icing on the cake” and “the rest is just gravy”, both meaning an extra enhancement. Perhaps this one describes a little too much enhancement. This is very similar to an earlier posting, “that would just be gravy on the icing”, submitted 9 years ago. https://malaphors.com/2014/10/06/that-would-just-be-gravy-on-the-icing/
A tip of the hat to “gsdoghouse” for sending this one in and his/her friend Candy for uttering it.
Chris Hayes on his MSNBC show All In with Chris Hayes was commenting about President Biden not taking any bait from reporters about the tensions between China and the US after his conference with Xi. Hayes then stated that Biden was looking to “keep things on a an upbeat footing.” This is a mashup of “be on even footing” (to be equal in power or ability) and “upbeat” (inspiring or exuding happiness). A big thank you to Ron MacDonald for hearing this one and sending it in.
The speaker was trying to say “I opened a can of worms” but instead uttered this mashup of “opening up a can of worms” (a situation that once started will have a negative outcome) and “let the cat out of the bag” (to reveal a secret by accident). Both describe opening up something. “Bag worms” also might have been on the speaker’s mind. Regardless, this is a nice incongruent conflation (blend of two idioms with different meanings). A big thanks to Erik Ivison for unintentionally saying this one and sending it in!
Malaphors 
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