Like pulling needles

This one was found in the comments section of a Facebook post. The subject was cruises, and the commenter was lamenting that a person who was supposed to accompany her bailed, and that it was difficult finding anyone else to go on the cruise. Finding someone who is not terrified of sailing, flying, or germs is “like pulling needles”. This is a mashup of “like pulling teeth” (something very difficult or frustrating to do) and “finding a needle in a haystack” (something very difficult to find). Both idioms relate frustration or difficulty in doing something. Also, a needle does pull (as in thread). A big thanks to Alison Brookins who spotted this one!

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It all lines into place

Sean Evans, host of the YouTube talk show Hot Ones, said this nice malaphor. It’s a congruent conflation of “it all falls into place” and “it all lines up”, both meaning things happen in a satisfactory way without problems. Kudos to Anthony Kovacs for hearing this subtle mashup and sending it in.

Authors Event in Pittsburgh!

I will be signing malaphor books today at beautiful Station No. 5 in tranquil Bradfordwoods, Pennsylvania. Top of the notch!

I would sooner walk alone than jump through eggshells with this madwoman

This was a comment to a Carolyn Hax “Personal” column in the Washington Post. The column was about a boyfriend who was rebuked for acting as a confident to a married female friend. It is a mashup of “jumping through hoops” (completing a series of tasks to achieve something) and “walking on eggshells” (being very careful of saying or doing something because someone is easily offended). A big thanks to Yvonne Stam for spotting this one and sending it in!

I need to haul rubber

The driver in a car was trying to pull out into a road with a lot of speeding traffic. He turned to his friend and said, “I need to haul rubber”. This is a congruent conflation of “haul ass” and “burn rubber”, both meaning to move fast. This one reminds me of the classic malaphor, “eat my rubber!”, spoken by Clark (Chevy Chase) in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  His son corrects him, pointing out that it is a mash up of “eat my dust” and “burn rubber”. I posted this one many years ago. https://malaphors.com/2012/12/22/eat-my-rubber/

A big thanks to John Kooser who heard this one and sent it in.

a clean bill of slate

My wife and I were discussing recent test results that were negative, and I blurted this one out. It is a mashup of “clean slate” (a fresh start) and “a clean bill of health” (a report confirming the absence of fault in a person or thing). This one reminds me of another malaphor I posted several years ago: https://malaphors.com/2017/10/26/you-should-start-over-and-get-a-fresh-slate/

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Slipped through the radar

A podcaster was talking about some controversies surrounding Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher, and said this “slipped through the radar”. This is a congruent conflation of “under the radar” and “slipped through the cracks”, both meaning to go unnoticed or undealt with. Not sure why, but idioms involving the word “radar” seem to get mashed with other idioms a lot. For example, on my website I’ve posted “this subject has been swept under the radar”, “they are high on our radar”, and “I don’t think it’s a fly on his radar”, to name a few. https://malaphors.com/2017/10/18/this-subject-has-been-swept-under-the-radar/ https://malaphors.com/2020/03/11/they-are-high-on-our-radar/ https://malaphors.com/2023/07/17/i-dont-think-its-a-fly-on-his-radar-right-now/

A tip of the hat to frequent contributor Verbatim for hearing this one!

I’m gonna want to pick your ear on this

On a conference call involving a complex topic, one of the attendees did not fully understand. He then said to the subject matter expert, “I need to connect with you next week, and I’m gonna want to pick your ear on this”. This is a conflation of “pick (one’s) brain” (ask one questions to obtain detailed information or advice) and “bend (one’s) ear” (to talk to someone for a long time, usually causing them to be annoyed). I can’t help but think that when the speaker said “pick” the idiom “prick up (one’s) ears” (to pay sudden close attention to something) came to mind, creating the jumble. Also, the ear and the brain are in close proximity so it may have been a visual mixup as well.

Caution: ear picking may pose health hazards to the human ear. Please be careful out there.

A big thanks to Andy Jacobs for hearing this one and sending it in!