A back of the pencil calculation

This was said by a friend and former co-worker, says the contributor. It is a mashup of “back of the envelope calculation” (rough calculation or estimate) and “pencil (someone or something) in” (to tentatively schedule someone for an appointment or plan something for a temporary date). A big thanks to Vicky Brown for sending this one in. 

You nailed the words right out of my mouth

This one was heard on Fox and Friends, January 8, by one of the hosts talking about Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and not telling anyone about his hospitalization. This is a mashup of “nailed it” (described a situation or problem exactly) and “take the words right out of (one’s) mouth” (to unknowingly say what someone else was thinking or about to say). A big thank you to John Hatfield for hearing this one (Fox was the only channel on his cruise ship) and sending it in!

It’s a new Rubicon we passed

Senator Brian Schatz (D-HI) was being interviewed on the All In with Chris Hayes podcast about the Trump immunity defense. He said that Trump’s lawyer’s response that a President who killed his adversaries while in office would be immune from criminal prosecution unless he was impeached and convicted was outrageous, and “it’s a new Rubicon we passed”. This is a mashup of “crossing the Rubicon” (committing to an act that cannot be reversed) and “passing/reaching a milestone” (achieving an event or act that is significant). You can hear this malaphor at the 12:59 mark:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-in-with-chris-hayes/id1314170606?i=1000641379557

Many thanks to Frank King for hearing this one and sending it in!

the final nail in the straw

On the hockey podcast, Spittin’ Chiclets, the hosts were discussing the recent firing of the head coach of the Ottawa Senators. The team had lost a game badly to the Vegas Golden Knights, and host Ryan Whitney said that the game was “the final nail in the straw” for the head coach. This is a perfectly formed congruent conflation of “the last straw” and “the final nail in the coffin”, both meaning the event that ultimately leads to the failure of a situation.  As the contributor notes, this is a “relative” of a previously posted malaphor, “the last straw in the coffin”. https://malaphors.com/2012/11/22/the-last-straw-in-the-coffin/ . An unassisted goal made by Adam Jacob, who heard this one and sent it in.

Coked out of his gills

Randy Baumann, a radio personality on the DVE Morning Show (WDVE, Pittsburgh), was talking about watching a video of a young Ian Anderson (of Jethro Tull fame) and commented that Ian was probably “coked out of his gills.”   This is a mashup of “out of (one’s) mind” (crazy) and “doped to the gills” (thoroughly intoxicated by drugs). A big thank you to Mike Ameel for hearing this one and sending it in! 

I caught you cold-handed

My friend Lou was talking to his dog and blurted out this nice mashup of “catch red-handed” (discovered in or just after the act of doing something wrong) and “catch (one) cold” (surprise someone). ”Cold” (stop suddenly and totally) may also be in the mix. At least he didn’t say “cold-pawed”. A big thanks to Lou Pugliese for sharing this one.

2023 Malaphor of the Year!!

It’s now time to reveal this year’s Malaphor of the Year.  But before I unveil this masterpiece, here are the winners of past years:

2015 – I have a pulse to the ground (submitted by Paula Garrety)

2016 – Let’s give them a round of hand! (submitted by Martin Pietrucha)

2017 – Welcome to my shoes (submitted by Steve Kovacs)

2018 – Whatever turns your boat (submitted by John Kooser)

2019 – My old car shit the bucket (submitted by John Fischer)

2020 – You’re a one-horse pony (submitted by Bruce Ryan and Ron MacDonald)

2021 – The new President says he wants to turn over a new page (submitted by Frank King)

2022 – Backseat Quarterback (submitted by Chuck Hatsis)

Before I reveal the winner, I want to give a shout out to the runners-up:

Raddle (January 2023 – submitted by Staci DeKunder) This word blend malaphor of racquet and paddle described the contributor’s pickleball paddle.

Chewing the shit (April 2023 – submitted by Dan Geier). Disgusting but worthy of recognition

I don’t want to be a stick on a log (October 2023 – submitted by Sally Minnock). A perfectly formed congruent conflation.

Running around like chickens tearing our hair out (May 2023 – submitted by Marcia Johnston). The visual to this nice mashup had to be my runner-up of the year.

But the winner this year is His cards of lies are about to crumble, submitted by Mike Kovacs (December 2023). Yes, this is an exceedingly rare Triple Malaphor, heard on the CBS crime show 48 Hours. It is a mashup of “house of cards” (a weak and fragile plan), “web of lies” (an intricate contrivance of deceit), and “that’s how the cookie crumbles” (accepting the way things happen or develop). The triple malaphor is like spotting the Spix’s macaw, and I thank Mike for his keen ears.

Happy New Year everyone!

I shit my pants out

The speaker (and contributor) was saying to his girlfriend that he might order a chicken fried mushroom sandwich, but if he did, they would have to hurry home before “I shit my pants out”. He immediately realized he had conflated the phrases “shit my pants” (to be very surprised, or literally, to defecate while still wearing one’s clothing) and “shit my brains out” (defecate a lot). Hey, it’s a bonafide malaphor. Props to Adam Jacob for this excellent mashup (no visual there). 

The chip did not fall far from the block

Joe Starkey, sportswriter in Pittsburgh, said this mashup on the radio station 93.7 The Fan. He was telling his producer how nice his father is. Joe realized the error and quickly corrected himself, making it an even better malaphor. It is a congruent conflation of “the apple does not fall far from the tree”, and “chip off the old block”, both expressions meaning to display traits or behaving the same way as their relatives (usually parents). A tip of the hat to Dan Simon for hearing this one and sending it in!

Spending aside some time

A guy in a meeting said this. He was referencing the idea that folks should take some time to prepare their personal schedules before they attend professional conferences. It is a mashup of “spending some time” and “set aside some time”. A big thanks to Martin Pietrucha for hearing this one and spending aside some time to send it in!