You have to thread a pretty narrow window

Andy Blocker, global head of public policy at Invesco, was talking to Tyler Matheson on CNBC’s “The Exchange” about immigration policy.  This is a mashup of “thread the needle” (skillfully navigate through a tough dilemma) and “window of opportunity” (short or limited amount of time to accomplish something). Both refer to something short or narrow, probably contributing to the mixup. A big thanks to John Hatfield for hearing this one and sending it in.

Don’t jump a gift shark in the mouth

Yes, I have said malaphors must be unintentional, but I am breaking that rule here to post a funny, intentional one courtesy of Rick and Morty, Season 3, episode 9, The ABCs of Beth”. This is a mashup of “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth” (if you receive a gift, do so graciously) and “jump the shark” (in television programming, using an obvious gimmick to maintain viewership; no longer relevant). I devoted a chapter to intentional malaphors from the tv show “The Sopranos”, in my book “He Smokes Like a Fish and other Malaphors”. Check it out! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0692652205

A big thanks to Barry Eigen for spotting this one and sending it in.

They could have handled the hand better

This was uttered by Bill Maher on his February 2 show. He was talking about Presidents that inherit a bad situation from the previous administration. This is a mashup of “handle the situation” (deal with or have responsibility for) and “play the hand you’re dealt” (accept and make the most of the current situation or circumstances). ”Hands” are everywhere! A big thanks to chief malaphor contributor Mike Kovacs for hearing this one and sending it in.

I’ll have a head up in the competition

The speaker was confusing body parts, very common in the malaphor world. This is a congruent conflation of “a leg up” and “a head start”, both referring to an advantage in something over someone. “Heads up” (warning) might also be in the mix, as the word “up” might have led to the speaker choosing the wrong idiom. As I have noted before, the malaphor process is like someone putting his hand in a cookie jar, grabbing two cookies at once, and then, trying to pull them out of the jar, breaks both of them in two, creating a hybrid of two cookies. The mind is a cookie jar.

Kudos to Samuel N. Bederman for unintentionally saying this one, recognizing it as a malaphor, and sending it in.

It hits all the boxes

Heard on the HGTV show, My Lottery Dream Home, season 15 episode 4 at about 20:35. The wife says “it (the house) hits all the boxes”, a congruent conflation of “hits all the right notes” and  “checks/ticks all the boxes”, both meaning to fulfill all the requirements or outcome of something. A shout out to Yvonne Stam for hearing this one and sending it in!

Strap your ears on

At the start of the Clay Travis and Buck Sexton Show, Buck tells listeners to “strap your ears on” for a jam-packed show. This is a congruent conflation of “strap in” and “perk up your ears”, both meaning to stay alert, get ready and pay attention. Another big thanks to Verbatim, a regular malaphor contributor, for hearing this one and sending it in!

You’ve got the whole world of your oysters right here

This one was overheard at breakfast. A couple were talking about where to live. This is a congruent conflation of “the world is your oyster” and “the whole world at your fingertips”, meaning you can do or have anything you want in life. The spiritual “He’s Got the Whole World In His Hands” may also have been on the speaker’s mind. Perhaps he/she was having seafood at breakfast as well? A big round of applause to Lou Pugliese for hearing this malaphor and sending it in!

A back of the pencil calculation

This was said by a friend and former co-worker, says the contributor. It is a mashup of “back of the envelope calculation” (rough calculation or estimate) and “pencil (someone or something) in” (to tentatively schedule someone for an appointment or plan something for a temporary date). A big thanks to Vicky Brown for sending this one in. 

You nailed the words right out of my mouth

This one was heard on Fox and Friends, January 8, by one of the hosts talking about Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin and not telling anyone about his hospitalization. This is a mashup of “nailed it” (described a situation or problem exactly) and “take the words right out of (one’s) mouth” (to unknowingly say what someone else was thinking or about to say). A big thank you to John Hatfield for hearing this one (Fox was the only channel on his cruise ship) and sending it in!