I caught you cold-handed

My friend Lou was talking to his dog and blurted out this nice mashup of “catch red-handed” (discovered in or just after the act of doing something wrong) and “catch (one) cold” (surprise someone). ”Cold” (stop suddenly and totally) may also be in the mix. At least he didn’t say “cold-pawed”. A big thanks to Lou Pugliese for sharing this one.

2023 Malaphor of the Year!!

It’s now time to reveal this year’s Malaphor of the Year.  But before I unveil this masterpiece, here are the winners of past years:

2015 – I have a pulse to the ground (submitted by Paula Garrety)

2016 – Let’s give them a round of hand! (submitted by Martin Pietrucha)

2017 – Welcome to my shoes (submitted by Steve Kovacs)

2018 – Whatever turns your boat (submitted by John Kooser)

2019 – My old car shit the bucket (submitted by John Fischer)

2020 – You’re a one-horse pony (submitted by Bruce Ryan and Ron MacDonald)

2021 – The new President says he wants to turn over a new page (submitted by Frank King)

2022 – Backseat Quarterback (submitted by Chuck Hatsis)

Before I reveal the winner, I want to give a shout out to the runners-up:

Raddle (January 2023 – submitted by Staci DeKunder) This word blend malaphor of racquet and paddle described the contributor’s pickleball paddle.

Chewing the shit (April 2023 – submitted by Dan Geier). Disgusting but worthy of recognition

I don’t want to be a stick on a log (October 2023 – submitted by Sally Minnock). A perfectly formed congruent conflation.

Running around like chickens tearing our hair out (May 2023 – submitted by Marcia Johnston). The visual to this nice mashup had to be my runner-up of the year.

But the winner this year is His cards of lies are about to crumble, submitted by Mike Kovacs (December 2023). Yes, this is an exceedingly rare Triple Malaphor, heard on the CBS crime show 48 Hours. It is a mashup of “house of cards” (a weak and fragile plan), “web of lies” (an intricate contrivance of deceit), and “that’s how the cookie crumbles” (accepting the way things happen or develop). The triple malaphor is like spotting the Spix’s macaw, and I thank Mike for his keen ears.

Happy New Year everyone!

I shit my pants out

The speaker (and contributor) was saying to his girlfriend that he might order a chicken fried mushroom sandwich, but if he did, they would have to hurry home before “I shit my pants out”. He immediately realized he had conflated the phrases “shit my pants” (to be very surprised, or literally, to defecate while still wearing one’s clothing) and “shit my brains out” (defecate a lot). Hey, it’s a bonafide malaphor. Props to Adam Jacob for this excellent mashup (no visual there). 

The chip did not fall far from the block

Joe Starkey, sportswriter in Pittsburgh, said this mashup on the radio station 93.7 The Fan. He was telling his producer how nice his father is. Joe realized the error and quickly corrected himself, making it an even better malaphor. It is a congruent conflation of “the apple does not fall far from the tree”, and “chip off the old block”, both expressions meaning to display traits or behaving the same way as their relatives (usually parents). A tip of the hat to Dan Simon for hearing this one and sending it in!

Spending aside some time

A guy in a meeting said this. He was referencing the idea that folks should take some time to prepare their personal schedules before they attend professional conferences. It is a mashup of “spending some time” and “set aside some time”. A big thanks to Martin Pietrucha for hearing this one and spending aside some time to send it in!

People are going to start walking with their feet

How else? This malaphor was uttered by Martha MacCallum on Fox News. She was talking about the testimony of the Harvard president dancing around the anti Jewish vs free speech argument, and then blurted out this mashup. It is a congruent conflation of “walk away from (someone or something)” and “voting with (one’s) feet”, both meaning to express disapproval by abandoning someone or something. A big thanks to Kathy Meinhardt for hearing this one and sending it in! 

That caught me way out of left field

This one is from Ed Gainey’s lips, who is the mayor of Pittsburgh. He was appearing on the City Cast Pittsburgh podcast and received a question that he didn’t expect. His response was this nice mash up of “came out of left field” (unexpected) and “caught off guard” (unprepared, unwary). Might qualify as a congruent conflation as both expressions concern something unexpected. A big thank you once again to Mike Kovacs for hearing this one and sending it in.

Does a bear shit in the wind?

Brothers-in law were expanding on the warnings in the Jim Croce song, “You don’t mess around with Jim”, when this malaphor was uttered. It is a mashup of “does a bear shit in the woods?” (a rhetorical question in response to a question where the answer is an emphatic yes) and “piss in the wind” (do something that is ineffective or a waste of time). Bottom line is of course it does. A big thanks to Lou Pugliese for hearing this one and sending it in (he was one of the brothers-in-law by the way).

His cards of lies are about to crumble

Yes, my friends, a triple malaphor in the media wilds was discovered by the intrepid malaphor hunter, Mike Kovacs. This beauty was found on the latest episode (Dec. 2, 2023) CBS crime show 48 Hours. Mike captured the malaphor in a sound byte:

This is a mashup of “house of cards” (a weak and fragile plan), “web of lies” (an intricate contrivance of deceit), and “that’s how the cookie crumbles” (accepting the way things happen or develop). The triple malaphor is like spotting the Spix’s macaw (Guy Moody will understand this). Well done, Mike.

On the other side of the spectrum

Chris Hayes on his show All In with Chris Hayes. This is a mashup of “the other side of the coin” (a different way of considering a situation) and “the other end of the spectrum” (extreme contrast). Coins have sides; spectrums have ends. This one can be heard at 29:47:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/all-in-with-chris-hayes/id1314170606?i=1000636871099

A big thanks to Frank King for hearing this one and sending it in!