I’ll have him shitting in my hand

This one breaks one of my malaphor rules but I had to post it anyway. As followers know, a malaphor should be unintentionally spoken or written; made up ones don’t count as they are not really word “errors”, plus they are just not usually funny. However, this one, that comes from the HBO show Barry, is perfectly formed and too good to pass up. In Season 2, Episode 3, Barry’s former controller, Monroe Fuches, is wearing a wire and practicing a conversation he will have with Barry to get him to talk. Police express doubts and Monroe says”give me five minutes with him. I’ll have him shitting in my hand”. This is a mashup of “eating out of (one’s) hand” (to be completely accepting of whatever one says or requires) and “shitting bricks” (extremely nervous). Fuches is of course nervous about the whole affair but thinks he will get Barry to talk. A big thanks to Jonathan Eliot for hearing this one and sending it in!